Julie Chandler

Prayer Producing Results

2011-05-03T21:17:00.001-06:00

God is good! Isn't this amazing???

On Monday, we had over 14 hours of uninterrupted prayer and then more than an hour of prayer later -- from New Brunswick to British Columbia!

Yesterday, we had 45 people praying in regards to the election.
The Liberals lost 44 seats.
The Bloc Quebecois lost 43 seats.

It was the Liberal party's "worst ever election defeat".

It was the Bloc Quebecois party’s "worst electoral defeat in its history".

Both the leader of the Liberals and the leader of the Bloc Quebecois have stepped down. I don't know when the last time an election has caused two party leaders to "fall on their sword".

The Conservatives have a majority. As far as I know, no polls predicted a Conservative majority.

God is making history.

If Peter can pray and bring Tabitha back to life, surely 45 followers of Jesus can join their faith and make a BIG difference in our country today!

Thank you for your faithfulness in changing our country for the better.

Keep praying! Prayer changes things.
Julie Chandler

New Book: Praying Through Your Adoption

2011-03-25T09:40:00.000-06:00

Interview with Michele C. Scott, author of Praying Through Your Adoption:

What inspired you to write Praying Through Your Adoption?
Prayer has always been important to me. I turned to God in prayer during our infertility, and I had planned to pray through a pregnancy if that had been God's plan. While adopting our son from Russia, we experienced painful delays and obstacles, such as increased fees and additional paperwork. At a particularly low point in the adoption process, I participated in an online prayer vigil that directed me to pray for very specific aspects of adoption – from government officials to waiting children. I realized the power of prayer specifically in adoption and saw the need to help other families pray through their adoptions as well.

How did you come up with the title?
Becoming an adoptive family is a process. First, you make decisions about the type of adoption and the age of child you wish to pursue. Then you work to become approved, educated, and prepared for welcoming and parenting this new child. Praying Through Your Adoption shows families how to rely on God and their faith through the entire journey of creating and nurturing their forever family.

What other life experiences shaped you to write this book?
Wow, many life experiences influenced this book. Our infertility is probably the biggest since the longing and waiting for our son is a large portion of our story. But even getting laid-off right before our adoption, experiencing post-adoption depression, and dealing with special needs made me want to encourage others dealing with similar difficulties.

What was the hardest part of writing your book?
Retelling my experience with post-adoption depression was hard. After our difficult time becoming parents, I never imagined I'd feel overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed as a new mom. As much as I wanted to skip over that chapter in my life and in the book, I felt it was important to paint a realistic picture for prospective adoptive families. Thankfully, other adoptive families were willing to share their real-life joys and challenges in the book as well.

What's one of the most important things people need to know about adoption?
One of my favorite quotes in the book is from the late Derek Loux, an adoptive father of and an advocate for orphans. He said, “My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can't even really appreciate or comprehend it.” Derek's words capture so much. There is loss, and, yes, there are sacrifices – financial and otherwise – in adoption. But the rewards for answering God's call to care for orphans are priceless.

Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?
I'm sure I learned a lot, but I was especially overwhelmed by the amount of transparency and support I received from the adoption community. The families featured in the book, in particular, poured our their hearts and souls. For some, telling their stories was pure celebration and thanksgiving to God. For others, it was probably a means for healing. I'm eternally grateful, and I think the readers will be, too.

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
With over 143 million orphans across the globe, I would love to see more families consider adoption. But I deeply respect the person who hears this interview or picks up this book and, for whatever reason, decides adoption is not right for them, I hope they would still consider providing prayer support and perhaps even financial support to families who are pursuing adoption.

For more information on Michele Cervone Scott and Praying Through Your Adoption, please visit www.MicheleCScott.com.

My Speaking Niche

2011-03-24T17:15:00.001-06:00

I've taken a bunch of speaker training over the last year. (Go to www.sheilawraygregoire.com for info.) I have been learning a lot in regards to what it takes to be a good speaker and put a good talk together. I've had a lot of public speaking experience so I'm excited to be moving forward in this particular area.

I put together this simple image to convey who my niche is. I can speak to the church in general (Christian men and women), specifically Christian women's groups and also business women. I'm putting together a talk right now -- Lies Business Women Believe.

I'm looking forward to growing in skill in this area and bringing truth to my listeners! By the way, my new website is done. Check it out at www.juliechandler.ca and give me your feedback!

Amish Life

2011-03-18T08:30:00.000-06:00

Last night, my daughter and I watched the movie Amish Grace. It's intense! Today, I saw this and wanted to share it...

It's Can't be Just About Me

2011-03-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

Then He also said to him who invited Him, “When you give a dinner or a supper, do not ask your friends, your brothers, your relatives, nor rich neighbors, lest they also invite you back, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just.” Luke 14:12-14

My Life Can't be Just About Me
- my family
- my hopes & dreams
- my activities & church
- my kids
- my work
- my holidays
- my neighbours & my friends

If I make it 'just about me', I've lost the game. In order to win, I must make my life about others. I live in Calgary, Alberta. It's a fairly rich city. Quite frankly, I think it would be difficult to find someone who is blind, lame or maimed. I could find a poor person, though.

Who is Luke really talking about here when he's telling me to bring these people over for supper? First of all, it's a call to hospitality. It's a call to caring for others. Complete unselfishness as the people we are to invite over should not be able to 'scratch our back' later. We don't bring them in to get anything.

When Luke asks us to bring the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind in -- we need to think of those who may be poor financially, but also those who are poor relationally, spiritually or emotionally. Maybe there is someone who doesn't have any family or friends in town. Maybe someone is depressed. Physically, emotionally or mentally crippled or handicapped. How about asking someone in who just seems paralyzed in life? They are not moving forward. If someone's spouse has recently died or been unfaithful, I'm sure that person feels maimed. How about a divorcee? How about asking someone over who seems incapable of even walking across a room without goofing something up? (Anyone come to mind?) Let's ask those over who can not see their sin. Those who don't seem able to see God.

Gee, when you look as the list of poor, maimed, lame and blind -- perhaps they aren't so hard to find. Maybe it's harder to find people who don't belong to one of these groups. Let's bring these folk in, serving wholeheartedly.

5 Questions about Orphans and the Fatherless

2011-02-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

Orphans and the Fatherless by Julie Chandler

Q1. Why did you write this book?

When I started working with the non-profit organization, canadian artists for the poor, I was learning more about people who live in extreme poverty...about AIDS and human trafficking and such. The people who are often the poorest and least protected/most abused are orphans and widows. After studying the many verses in the bible in relation to the fatherless, I looked for books about orphans at the Christian bookstore. Unfortunately, there were VERY few books when I went looking a few years ago, which is how I got started.

Q2. What is the book about?

Orphans and the Fatherless describes who orphans and fatherless children are -- what their circumstances are like, what their lives are like...both children whose parents have died of AIDS and children who live in foster care, or whose parents have abandoned them or are in jail. The book discusses the importance of fathers in particular and also the role of the church in the lives of these people.

Q3. Who is this book for?

It is primarily for the church. It's an encouragement to do something for the fatherless and orphans among us. There are hundreds of ways we can be involved in their lives -- be that love, hope and encouragement that they need. Those who are considering adoption or who have adopted will also enjoy many of the chapters.

Q4. What did you learn while you were writing this book?

The one thing that really stands out to me is how quickly a child's life can get messed up if they don't have a father in the picture. I found some statistics that revealed that up to 75% of prisoners grew up without a father. It's sad -- because of course that also affects how they perceive their heavenly Father. They often can't relate.

Q5. Tell us about the fundraising options with this book.

If a couple is adopting, they can use this book as a fundraiser in one of two ways. They can simply purchase a case and then give a book to those who donate $20-$25 to their adoption fund. (This would raise $1,000.) Or they can be our "couple of the month" online and receive the proceeds of all book sales for one month. That's $8/per book.)

Q6. Where can we purchase Orphans and the Fatherless?

Go to www.orphansandthefatherless.com to purchase or find out more. The book retails for $13.99.

You Could Win!

2011-02-14T11:37:00.003-07:00

Contest to win a $50 gift certificate for amazon.com (or your choice if it can be purchased online).

Who is it for?
Christian bloggers who have a minimum of 3 followers (because it is a book for the church).

What do I have to do?
Have a blog post interview in regards to my latest book: Orphans and the Fatherless. It must contain 3 elements.
1. At least 5 questions & answers in regards to the book
2. A link to www.orphansandthefatherless.com where people can purchase the book.
3. And at least one of the following elements:
a picture of the book,
or an interview from blog talk radio
(See below.)

When does the contest start/close?
The contest begins February 15. It closes when we have 10 bloggers who have posted their blog entry/interview. (We may do it again with another 10 bloggers.)

How do you want me to let you know I'm in?
Once you have posted the interview on your blog, simply add your comment to this post. Upon reaching 10 bloggers, I will be updating this post to let you know who our winner is.

Technical Stuff...

My next post lists questions and answers you could use. Otherwise, please feel free to email me at info@orphansandthefatherless.com

To post the blogtalkradio interview, simply click Share, then click Copy. You can then paste it into your blog post.

Any questions? Just email me! info@orphansandthefatherless.com

Listen to internet radio with Orphan Summit on Blog Talk Radio

End the Wait Tour 2011 - Conversations about Adoption

2011-02-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

There are more than 30,000 adoptable kids in Canada waiting to be loved, to have a forever family, to belong.

Come hear from adoptive families, Christian adoption professionals and churches making a difference in the lives of adoptive families; then join the conversation as we talk about the many ways believers can respond to God’s call to “look after orphans . . . in their distress” (James 1:27).

Specific topics we’ll be discussing:

*How to adopt
*The facts on Canada’s waiting children
*What it’s like to be an adoptive family
*How to support adoptive families in practical ways
*How churches can start their own adoption ministry
*More . .

DATES AND LOCATIONS:

Ottawa, ON – March 25, 2011
Woodvale Pentecostal Church
205 Greenbank Rd.
Ottawa, ON K2H 8K9

Toronto, ON – March 26, 2011
Queensway Cathedral
1536 The Queensway
Toronto, ON M8Z 1T5

Edmonton, AB – April 2, 2011
Evangel Pentecostal Assembly
4461 50 St. NW
Edmonton, AB T6L 7A3

Calgary, AB – April 3, 2011
First Alliance Church
12345 40 St. SE
Calgary, AB T2Z 4E6

Vancouver, BC – April 8, 2011
Broadway Church
2700 East Broadway
Vancouver, BC V5M 1Y8

$10 per person

*All events will take place from 1:00 p.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Go to www.endthewait.ca/tour/index.html for more information.

101 Things you Didn't know about Me

2011-02-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

1. My roots are German and Irish.
2. I am Canadian.
3. I was given up for adoption.
4. I lived in foster care for my first Christmas & New Year's Day.
5. I went to live with my mom and dad at about 1 month of age.
6. I have a brother 5 years older than myself. He's adopted, too.
7. I grew up in the country side.
8. I took the bus to a school every day.
9. I went to a small town school from kindergarten to grade 8.
10. I had a dog named Max.
11. My first greatest loss was when my grandpa died. I loved him.
12. My greatest fear as a child was my dad dying.
13. My hair is naturally curly but it was straight when I was young.
14. I loved swimming when I was a kid.
15. My fondest memories are camping & fishing at Musky Bay with my family.
16. Growing up, I had 4 aunts and 5 uncles (2 uncles have died).
17. I took piano lessons for a bit when I was young.
18. I won a Hallowe'en contest dressed up as Little Orphan Annie.
19. I went snowmobiling a lot when I was younger.
20. I was pitcher & right field on my baseball team.
21. My favourite sports team growing up was the Blue Jays.
22. I knitted my own sweater in high school.
23. I have broken a finger and a couple toes.
24. When I was a kid, my nicknames were Ju & Jules.
25. My first car was a Mustang.
26. I thought of being a plumber in high school.
27. I went to York University for one year, staying on campus.
28. I would not necessarily recommend going to University.
29. I have been a vegetarian.
30. I have traveled in the United States, to the Bahamas, Aruba, Jamaica, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic.
31. I went to Humber College for 1 year for travel & tourism.
32. I lied, stole, swore, drank alcohol, smoked and did drugs before becoming a Christian.
33. I became a Christian in 1995.
34. I was going to a Salvation Army church at the time. They were kind.
35. God saved me...rescued me from myself.
36. The day after I became a Christian I took a pregnancy test. It was positive.
37. I moved to Calgary from Ontario in 1995.
38. I gave up a child for adoption. I still see her. She'll be sweet 16 this year.
39. I was baptized on Father's Day in 1995.
40. I finished my Travel & Tourism Certificate at The Career College in Alberta.
41. I got some great leadership training and led a small group at College & Career.
42. I also enjoyed volunteering in the nursery, at Sunday School, in the kitchen, in a discipleship program...I lived with a Pastor and his family at the time.
43. I travelled to Mexico City to hand out Shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child.
44. I planned on being a missionary.
45. I took spanish classes.
46. I went on a friendly date on September, 1997.
47. In October, 1997 we booked the church to be married in the spring.
48. I was married in April, 1998 - at age 25.
49. We went to Florida for our honeymoon.
50. I moved into my husband's home.
51. I was working at a travel agency at the time.
52. We have had a somewhat rocky marriage. Things keep getting better.
53. I started working with my husband not long after we were married.
54. I was an avid gardener.
55. I have had 30 odd jobs over the years including working at a golf course, a bakery, on Bay Street etc...
56. I enjoy writing and receiving letters.
57. I'm not so good at the scrapbooking thing.
58. I bought my dog Purple in Spanish in 2001. She's bichon-shitzou.
59. My son was born in 2002 (with cleft lip and palette).
60. My daughter was born in 2003.
62. I have sewed some of my own clothing.
63. My husband, children and I moved to our current home in 2005.
64. My parents never divorced.
65. My dad died of leukemia in 2006.
66. The first book I wrote was Successful Women Entrepreneurs.
67. I enjoy public speaking.
68. I have been interviewed by a number of newspapers, tv stations and was part of a documentary.
69. Since 2004, I have been involved with leading a women's business organization.
70. Some friends and I started the non-profit organization canadian artists for the poor in 2008.
71. I am not an artist.
72. My second book was Orphans and the Fatherless.
73. I wear contacts if I'm not wearing glasses.
74. I watch about 2 hours of TV a week.
75. If I was going to watch TV, it would likely be something on the Food Network or TLC.
76. I'm a homeschool mom.
77. I rarely drink alcohol.
78. I love speaking with a fake Scottish accent to my kids.
79. When I lie down in bed at night, I'm asleep within 5 minutes (99% of the time).
80. I can't bring myself to gamble.
81. I listen to the Christian radio station when driving in my car.
82. I have never been pulled over by the police and gotten a ticket.
83. I have been pulled over once.
84. I may possibly be addicted to chocolate.
85. I am not fond of grocery shopping.
86. I have read my bible pretty much every day since I became a Christian.
87. I have never dyed my hair, but perhaps I should.
88. One of my favourite movies is Sense and Sensibility.
89. I don't wear much jewelry.
90. I have freckles.
91. I wear skirts or dresses everyday.
92. I tithe regularly.
93. I have designed a few websites and still do updates for a few companies.
94. I am easily distracted.
95. My purse is black.
96. My one set of grandparents are still alive.
97. I am more of an introvert than an extrovert.
98. I like connecting with people on twitter.
99. I want to become a better writer.
100. I believe in miracles.
101. My goal is to be used by God.

Bible Search: Prophetess

2011-02-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

We find the word Prophetess 8 times in the Bible:

Exodus 15:20
And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances.

Judges 4:4
And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.

2 Kings 22:14
So Hilkiah the priest, and Ahikam, and Achbor, and Shaphan, and Asahiah, went unto Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum the son of Tikvah, the son of Harhas, keeper of the wardrobe; (now she dwelt in Jerusalem in the college;) and they communed with her.

2 Chronicles 34:22
And Hilkiah, and they that the king had appointed, went to Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum the son of Tikvath, the son of Hasrah, keeper of the wardrobe; (now she dwelt in Jerusalem in the college:) and they spake to her to that effect.

Nehemiah 6:14
My God, think thou upon Tobiah and Sanballat according to these their works, and on the prophetess Noadiah, and the rest of the prophets, that would have put me in fear.

Isaiah 8:3
And I went unto the prophetess; and she conceived, and bare a son. Then said the LORD to me, Call his name Mahershalalhashbaz.

Luke 2:36
And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity;

Revelation 2:20
Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.

Teenagers Talk About Adoption

2011-01-27T08:30:00.003-07:00

I've just finished reading Teenagers Talk About Adoption by Marion Crook (1986).

The 3 main themes that come out of it are:

1. If children who have been adopted don't want to search for their birth parents because a) they don't want to invade the birth parents privacy and b) because they don't want to hurt their adoptive parents.

2. Children who have been adopted would like to know what their bio parents look like.

3. Adoptees also want to know why they were given up for adoption...and wouldn't mind a little medical info.

And here's one quote: Karen said, "To an adopted child, adoption is personal. People who are not adopted...should not speak about it or judge it."

I'm not sure about the 'speak about it' part, but perhaps I agree with the 'judge it' part. As for points 1 to 3, as an adoptee I would say that is how I also think and wonder about adoption & birth parents.

Orphan / Adoption Events for 2011

2011-01-22T10:23:00.002-07:00

Christian Orphan / Adoption Events for 2011:

The Reality of the Blessing
February 18 & 19, 2011
Dallas, Texas
http://pcpc.org/

The Idea Camp
February 25 & 26, 2011
NW Arkansas
https://www.theideacamp.com/

Defending the Fatherless -- Adoption, Foster, Orphan Care Conference
Saturday, April 2, 2011
St. Peters, MO
http://www.defendingthefatherless.com/

Empowered to Connect Conference
April 8 & 9, 2011
Denver, CO
http://www.showhope.org/AdoptionAid/PrePostAdoption.aspx

Summit VII
May 12 & 13, 2011
Louisville, KY
http://christian-alliance-for-orphans.org/events/summit

Empowered to Connect Conference
September 23 & 24, 2011
Nashville, TN
http://www.showhope.org/AdoptionAid/PrePostAdoption.aspx

Together for Adoption
October 21 & 22, 2011
Phoenix, AZ
http://www.togetherforadoption.org/?page_id=9760

Know of any other ones?

1 Corinthians 13 - For Christmas

2010-12-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime: but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

If I work at a soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity; but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love does not envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love does not yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love does not give only to those who are able to give in return; but rejoices in giving to those who cannot.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust; but giving the gift of love will endure.

By Sharon Jaynes, Celebrating a Christ Centered Christmas

P.S. I found this from http://lightathome.blogspot.com

Solutions to Fewer Placements for Foster Kids

2010-12-30T03:40:00.001-07:00

I posted a link on twitter to an article that addresses the issue of foster children having too many placements. You can see it here:
http://www.yougottabelieve.org/articles/unconditional.htm

Here is some further information, from the book The Skills of Helping Individuals, Families, Groups, and Communities By Lawrence Shulman (Page 265):

Teenagers have sat on the front porch of a new foster home, suitcase in hand, refusing to enter and demanding that they be returned to their natural parents. Foster children of all ages often act out in their alternative care setting, thinking that if they are rejected there they will most certainly be returned home. When their acting-out behavior affects the foster parent's natural children, it can lead to a call to remove the child. However, the acting-out often leads to their being placed in a new foster home instead of returning home. Foster parents need help to understand the meaning of the behavior, and the children need assistance--from the social worker and the foster parent--to deal with the pain of rejection.

My Kids 1st Experience Meeting a Homeless Person

2010-12-22T04:53:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, my brother arrived in town for Christmas. He really like Arby's but doesn't have one near where he lives, so we decided to grab some supper there. We headed to the downtown location, went in and were greeted by a friendly, slightly intoxicated homeless person. We ordered and ate with some more interaction with the homeless man. Actually there were a few homeless people there -- and really no one else.

Before we left, my brother decided to buy a couple of cookies. He asked my 7 and 8 year old children if they would like to give the cookies to the man. They were eager to do so. After the man said some "beautiful, beautiful, God bless you, Merry Christmas's!" we were out the door.

It was only on the drive home when the kids were talking about it that I found out that the man had cried when they gave him the cookies. Wow! What a lesson. Actually that experience was worth 100 hours of me telling them that homeless people are important people -- people with feelings.

I'm amazed at my brother's thoughtfulness, the teachable moments in life and the impression that was left on my children.

We could have entered the restaurant, noticed the people inside, left and went through the drive-thru. That would have been a lesson. I could have complained about the fact that the manager "lets people like this in here. He should kick them out." Another lesson. Etc. There are SO many different things my kids could have learned about homeless people last night. These are people to be afraid of. People to be ignored or avoided.

But no, they learned that homeless people have feelings -- that, that homeless man may not have been given a cookie by a child for 25 years -- that the cookies may be his only presents this Christmas. They learned that simple kindness impacts people.

My son summed it up best, upon realizing how easy it was, by saying, "I'd give him 100 cookies." Me too, son. Me, too.

Survey about Foster Care

2010-12-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

I am currently writing a book about families who have adopted children through the foster care system. In addition to telling their stories, I am interested in finding out -- from foster families as well as fost-adopt families -- two things.

1. If you could do one thing to improve the foster care system, what would it be?

2. What is the best thing, that you can see, about the foster care system?

What I also need...please indicate:
- whether you are a single parent or a couple
- whether you are on the foster or fost-adopt track
- what state/province and what country you are in
- your first name and last initial

Thank you so much for your help! I hope to get 100 families to respond from the U.S., Canada, the UK, Australia and anywhere else!

Email me your response to info@orphansandthefatherless.com or post it below. Once I have read/copied/filed your post, I will be deleting off my blog in order to keep thoughts clear here. Spread the word! Together, we may be able to improve things!

Why Using this Book as an Adoption Fundraising Tool is a Better Idea

2010-12-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

There are many options out there when it comes to fundraising ideas for your adoption. Let me briefly explain why using the Christian book Orphans and the Fatherless is the better option.

You could of course sell tupperware or cookies or have a garage sale, but at the end of the day, your supporters just have more stuff. If you were to use this particular book to fundraise, and I'll explain the 2 different ways later...your supporters will have in their hands information about orphans and the fatherless. The product itself informs people about the plight of the orphan, talks about adoption, the importance of fathers in particular and is designed to be a springboard to action. There are many ways we can be loving orphans.

Is that not a win-win situation? You get a more money for your adoption. People who have supported you (and potentially knew nothing or cared nothing about orphans) now have the opportunity to get tuned in to this important social issue.

As for the how to use it as a fundraising tool there are 2 options.
1. Purchase a case of 50 books for $4.99 each ($249.50 for the case) plus shipping. Give one book to anyone who donates $25 or more to your adoption fund. That would bring in $1250 (or more), giving you $1,000 towards your adoption fund.

2. Be our couple of the month online! We will post a picutre of you and a short bio with link to your blog. Each book sale from our website www.orphansandthefatherless.com for one month ($9 per book) go to you.

Any questions? Send me a message!

Wholeheartedly

2010-12-09T21:40:00.000-07:00

2 Chronicles 24
King Joash did what was right in the eyes of the Lord.

2 Chronicles 25
King Amaziah did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but not wholeheartedly.

There is a big difference between serving the Lord and serving the Lord wholeheartedly. Lord, I pray that I would serve you wholeheartedly.

Extreme Hospitality

2010-12-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

There's extreme sports...and then there is extreme hospitality. It's called being foster parents.

According to Wikipedia, extreme sport is defined as -- certain activities perceived as having a high level of inherent danger and that are counter-cultural.

Interesting.

Extreme hospitality therefore could be defined as certain activities perceived as having a high level of inherent danger -- or perhaps a better word would be effort -- and that are counter-cultural.

Yes, that sounds like it could describe foster parenting. (Lots of effort, for someone else...not focusing on self.) What do you think?

Why does Jesus want us to visit prisoners?

2010-12-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

I keep wondering where I should volunteer for 2011. I'm thinking either a downtown shelter / soup kitchen type place that helps the homeless get off the streets etc... or volunteer with a prison ministry, which begs the question: Why did Jesus want us to visit prisoners, anyway?

(Matthew 25 - I was in prison, and you didn't visit me.)

I think it would be important to have this thought out before venturing any further. Here's my best guess--

#1. Jesus loves prisoners. He wants the prisoners to know he loves them. He still works through people.

Guess I don't really need points 2 through 5 now. I was thinking -- he doesn't want them cut off from community, etc. but no, I don't think that's the point. The point is always #1. Well, that's pretty simple.

It's just one thing I've never done...visiting someone in prison. And it haunts me that one day I will face my maker and I really don't want him to say 'I was in prison and you didn't visit me.'

Truth instead of Lies

2010-12-04T16:09:00.001-07:00

I'm putting together a talk called Living God's Best -- Replacing Lies with the Truth.

Last night I went with a friend to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). It was very interesting. I found that the atmosphere was quite serene. The people were open, honest and humble. They spoke of embarrassing things they had done. They talked about people they have hurt. A couple of people spoke of their struggles with suicide and fear and many spoke of coming out of denial (lying to self) to face the truth. No one interrupted another person while they were talking. There was a sense of respect from one to another. No one seemed to be trying to "fix" another. They cared and they were welcoming.

(There were a couple of things that I didn't find great -- 1. That they identify themselves as alcoholics (as opposed to children of God, for example) and 2. They can sort of make up their own idea of who God is. I found another group who seem to take all the good from AA and fix those 2 issues. You can find out more about them at www.CelebrateRecovery.com They have groups all over the world.)

Today, at lunch our server was a man dressed as a woman. My mom and my son didn't seem to notice, but my daughter mentioned that she thought our server was wearing a wig. I guess she figured something wasn't quite right. It was shocking to walk into this person's world for a moment. I was struck by silence, considering how much confusion and distress this person must be under.

How do these 2 episodes relate to me putting together this talk? I keep thinking about how often we believe lies about God. We believe lies about ourselves, others, our situations...it's amazing how believing lies can effect behaviour. It's also amazing the healing that comes when we start to believe what is true.

One of the keys to life's success is believing the truth about God, myself and others. Lies can enter in as a result of trauma, what others/self tell myself and also from the Father of Lies.

I wonder if we would be willing to pray the following:
- Lord, am I believing any lies about you, myself or others? If so, would you please identify those things so that I would replace the lies with the truth. I understand this may not be easy. It may be surprising. It may be painful, but I am willing to find these things out. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Feedback from the Book

2010-11-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

Lots going on this month with my Orphans and the Fatherless book. There will be a book launch on November 25 in Calgary at the House Coffee Sanctuary...and Calgary's Shine FM (88.9) is using the book as part of their book club for this month. Good things are happening!

Also, here is an email I rec'd yesterday:

I needed to share with you some comments that were received from using your book for a men’s group devotional. I was sharing with them out of three of your chapters, namely:

A poem near the beginning
Fatherless statistics
and from the first page on “Who are the Fatherless”

There were about eight men from different walks in life. Two of the men were involved with prison ministries and have a real heart “for the least of these”. They confirmed your statistics on the fatherless and felt that the Canadian data is very similar. The poem could have been written by a few men’s daughters & their eyes filled with tears. Your husband’s initial comment to a six year-old daughter, her comment to him, and, how you closed the first chapter had the greatest impact!

Thank-you for writing on a subject that obviously affects us all and sharing with us some of your personal walk. BTW, one of the guys owns a book store & I’m sure you made a few sales. Two of the men were pastors , one man was a missionary from Malawi, so you know your book will be mentioned in the next sermon on “Who are the Fatherless”!

Boy is it nice to get feedback like this! Have a great day!

Quick Summary

2010-11-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

Quick summary here in regards to the events of last week and then we're moving on to more positive topics.

I talked to the mom of the boy who showed my kids the magazines. It was a peaceful conversation...well, until we got to the point where I mentioned that perhaps if this boy knows that as a consequence of his actions, he's losing friendships over this...he will be less likely to repeat the behaviour.

She strongly disagreed and said that she would never tell him that's a consequence.

There was no yelling of course, but you could sense a definite difference in thinking.

In any case, we won't be going there again. The bible warns about who we spend time with, how we should be careful in friendship... What better opportunity to teach this lesson?

Her focus was on forgiveness. I agreed that was a necessary element. What I don't believe is -- to prove I have forgiven you, I still hang out with you.

If we have friends that do the wrong things and encourage us to do wrong things, they are not really friends, are they?

How to Pray for Kids who have Seen Porn

2010-11-02T03:05:00.003-06:00

Many times children will see things they should not be seeing. Magazines, internet...Here is my prayer list for children who have accidentally viewed these images:

Lord,
1. I pray that you would erase from their minds what they have seen. You can do this.
2. I pray that this would not be a stepping stone for the Devil to enter in/take ground. I pray this would not be the beginning of an addiction.
3. I pray that I would not worry about this issue. Help me to trust that somehow you can turn this into a blessing.
4. I pray that they would believe what You beleive about sex. May they not have a twisted or deviant view of what you see as beautiful.
5. I pray that this viewing of pornography will not impact their futures in any way -- including their marriage.
6. I pray that any spirit that entered them as a result of this (ie. Spirit of Lust) will be gone in Jesus' name.
7. I pray there would be no negative lasting effects as a result of this viewing.
8. I pray that you would help me to be a careful parent...careful with activity choices, careful with friend choices...careful with time choices and internet choices.
9. I pray for those who introduced this to my children (in my case - other children.) I pray for healing for all children involved.
10. May your will be done in the lives of those who create this garbage, Lord.
And give us the wisdom to know how to talk to our children about this.

Do you have any prayers to add? (Our family's story is below.)

Devastated

2010-11-02T02:52:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I found out that a friend of my childrens had shown them a "hard core porn" magazines. Devastating news.

A few months ago we had a play date with another Christian homeschool family. Us two moms sat in the kitchen for an hour having tea while the kids (mine were 6 and 8) and hers are a year or two older were playing in the backyard. Well, it turns out that their little tree house/fort was also storing some of these magazines. They showed them to my son and daughter. (Their mom found them yesterday and called. We won't be going there again. The Bible warns against choosing friends carefully.)

What a way to be introduced to sex! I'm very sad, angry...devastated. I thought this was a safe place. I try to be very careful. I'm still trying to process all of this. I will post a prayer list for kids that this has happened to. It is probably all too common. I will not let the Devil take any ground on this issue. My kids are too precious.

Fundraising Plan for Adoptions

2010-10-18T16:31:00.000-06:00

Okay, I've finally come up with a good plan for couples to use the book as a fundraising tool for their adoptions. Well, technically it's another's good idea that I'm using.

Here's some Q & A:

How does being a partner family work?

On the website www.orphansandthefatherless.com, we will post a picture of the partner family, a bio about them and a link to their blog. The partner family promotes. We do the order fulfilment and send the profits directly to the partner family. Our website www.orphansandthefatherless.com is the storefront that allows people to purchase the book. Partner families point people to the website (from their blog, facebook, emails, etc.) and encourage people to buy a book which will help to fund their adoption.

Once an order is placed, we fulfill that order and ship it directly to the person who has ordered it. We use PayPal to handle all of the financial transactions. At the end of the month, we will forward the money raised to the partner family. We also include a list of people who have purchased the books in case the partner family want to say thank you!

Can I become a partner family if I our application has been accepted but we haven’t completed our home study yet?

Yes.

How much does it cost to be a partner family?

$0. We've made the initial investment into inventory so that our partner families can begin turning a profit immediately. Never in the process will partner families be asked for money.

How much can a partner family expect to make?

That depends completely on them an how well they get the word out. The partner family receives $9 for each single book sold.

How long do you partner with families for?

For one month.

How many partner families do you have at any one time?

One. Currently, we're structured to handle only one at a time. To partner with multiple families would require a significant investment of accounting and e-commerce solutions.

What is the responsibility of the partner family?

Marketing. We take care of the shipping and accounting. It's the job of the partner family to get the word out to all their friends and promote the cause.

Why is it important for our family to have an active blog?

A blog is a wonderful tool for spreading the word about your fundraising efforts. It allows potential supporters to get to know you, to understand why you're selling this book, and it makes it easy for you to link directly to the page where they can buy the book. We also encourage families to use Facebook, Twitter or any of the other social media tools to send others to your blog and the www.orphansandthefatherless.com website.

How much of each sale are you keeping for yourself?

$4.99 of each single sale goes to us which we use to produce the books and cover packaging and other business costs.

What are the requirements to apply to become a partner family?

Your family must be in the process of adopting a child internationally. Your application to an adoption agency has been approved. You have not yet completed the court process. Your family has an active blog.

Why are you doing this and what’s in it for you?

James 1:27 says Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. Looking after orphans and widows comes in various forms. Some hands-on. Some behind the scenes. Adopting a child is a very special way to look after an orphan. This is our 'behind the scenes' way of supporting that.

How do I apply?

Application Form is on the site www.orphansandthefatherless.com

What is the book about?

2010-10-15T07:26:00.003-06:00

Will you be His hands and feet?

Orphans and the Fatherless was written to open your eyes about who orphans and the fatherless are -- the child whose parents have died of HIV/AIDS, foster children, the children who lost their dad in a car accident, the prisoner, the child whose father is in prison, the street person, the prostitute, the homosexual, the child whose parents have divorced, the child who was abandoned by their father, and the children being bought and sold or forced to be soldiers.

This book addresses questions like, "Do we even need fathers? What is their purpose?" We know this world really does need dads -- to love and protect us and to show us what the Heavenly Father is like.

God yearns to protect, comfort, love and heal orphans and the fatherless. Let's join Him. The book is meant to serve as a springboard to action, particularly for the church.

Goals for the Book

2010-10-13T07:32:00.000-06:00

I was at an interesting lunch meeting yesterday. The guest speaker for the business meeting was a life coach. One of the questions she asked was:

What is the impact you want to have in your business?

My answer (for the Orphans and the Fatherless book) was:
- to have more people helping orphans / the fatherless
- help couples $ adopt
- have more churches involved with orphans (more orphan type ministries/groups)
- increased awareness

Quick Update

2010-10-11T10:46:00.000-06:00

It's been a while...

I have the book Orphans and the Fatherless out now. It's in about 40 bookstores across Canada...great stocking stuffer at only $13.99! I hope it brings help to our hurting world - near and far.

I have the bookstores listed on the website www.orphansandthefatherless.com as to where it can be purchased (in addition to that website and on kindle).

Great resource for those hosting an Orphan Sunday event. Also, a benefit to those looking for another fundraising idea for their adoption.

Summit VI

2010-05-20T06:15:00.000-06:00

A feature story on Summit VI will air on the ABC Family Channel at 10 AM EST on Thursday May 20. You can also watch it online at www.cbnnews.com.

(Summit VI was about orphans.)

A Lesson in Marketing

2010-05-18T07:35:00.000-06:00

Last week, Ezine Articles sent me an unexpected package in the mail. It contained a certificate declaring me as an Expert Author, a mouse pad, a sticker, a pad of paper and a nice pen sent by Priority Mail. It was a nice surprise amongst the bills.

I'm certain that most people that receive this, tell others about it. How often do you receive an unexpected gift in the mail? It'll get you talking (as I am now).

The marketing lesson I learned from this: if you want to get people talking about your business / organization / product etc... send them a small, unexpected token of their interest or participation. What you send will depend upon your budget and your industry.

Also, you may not want to send something to a new customer or client. I have been submitting articles to ezinearticles.com for a few years now. It's more a matter of strengthening a relationship that is already in existence, rather than trying to spur on loyalty.

It's a way to thank, encourage or bless someone who is a client of your business or a giver to your organization. You may only send something to 5 individuals this year or month. It may be a greeting card with a small token inside. If you're with a charity or non-profit, you may be able to get some items for free (or at least at a discount).

Let me know if this works for you or what you decide to do! All the best to you as you promote your business or organization through this marketing tool!

Songs about Orphans/Adoption

2010-05-13T06:42:00.003-06:00

I'm starting to put together a list of songs related to orphans / Christian adoption songs...

Steven Curtis Chapman -- When Loves Takes You In & Meant to Be

Mark Schultz -- Everything to Me

Jason Upton -- Father to the Fatherless

Chris Rice -- Belong

Why Wouldn't I -- Peter Eide

They Chose Me -- Debbie L. Rice & Faith: REFINED

Avalon -- Orphans of God

Mandi Mapes -- This Love

Josh Bronleewe -- Gave Me a Home

Becky Wright -- Call Me Loved

Lindsey Teefey -- Orphan Lullaby

Desperation Band -- Light Up The World

& the song You'll be in my Heart

Carrie Underwood -- Temporary Home (foster care)

Thanks Twitter friends for the suggestions. Let me know some more!

My Roles

2010-05-10T05:30:00.003-06:00

These are the roles I have in life at this time:

A) wife. In addition to all the regular stuff it means to be a wife, I also help my husband with his businesses. I do the administrative work - invoices etc., the website updates and some design work.

B) mom. In addition to all the regular stuff it means to be a mom, I'm also my children's teacher. My son is 8, my daughter is 6 and they are homeschooled.

C) I run a women's business organization - PGIBW - since 2004. We meet to hear a speaker and do some networking. (Technically, this could also fall under the work I do for my husband as the women's division is an off-shoot from his main business. His brain child with some others, not mine!)

D) I'm Executive Director of the non-profit canadian artists for the poor. Generally speaking, we raise money through art shows, art walks etc., to be able to give to charities that are working with those living in extreme poverty. I started that up with some friends/associates 2 years ago.

E) I am an author. My first book is called Successful Women Entrepreneurs: Turning Trials into Triumphs (because of C). My second book is called Orphans and the Fatherless: Making Ourselves Known (because of D).

F) I am starting a speaking ministry, which means I likely won't be doing D too much longer. I'm working on my first talk called "Lies We Believe".

G) I hope to be an encouragement to couples adopting. Right now, this mostly happens through my social media efforts, but may grow as time goes on. (I'm adopted, too!) I guess this is more of a future role.

This may seem like a lot but it's mostly a bunch of part-time things stuck together. The women's meetings are once a month, the non-profit events are a couple times a year, homeschooling takes a few hours a day.....I'm not really trying to be an overachiever :) ... I just want my life to be multiplied for God.

Saddleback Civil Forum - Orphans and Adoption

2010-05-06T06:26:00.001-06:00

Live Civil Forum Hosted by Rick Warren

Monday, May 11 at 7:00pm

The Global Orphan Crisis impacts the lives of 143 million children every day. Change the statistics and engage in this urgent challenge. Join world leaders at the Saddleback Civil Forum on Orphans & Adoption on Monday, May 10, at 7:00 p.m. In the Worship Center on the Lake Forest Campus.

For more information, go to www.saddlebackcivilforum.com/orphansandadoption/

Why Summit VI was Great

2010-05-05T06:28:00.002-06:00

I've just been to Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VI. This is what was good about it:

Opportunities to praise God (4 different worship times).
Opportunities to meet some really amazing people working with orphans or adopting.
Opportunities to learn practical information about how to get involved helping orphans.
It's a time of encouraging and encouragement for organizations and families.
You get to hear stories that will change your life.

One lady I spoke with liked that she could be around other like-minded individuals because in her own community, not many have adopted. Some will look at her and talk to her like she's crazy. It was good for her to be around so many other adoptive families.

There were about 9 options for each of the 5 breakout sessions. So much information! I choose sessions on starting a orphan ministry in your church, fundraising ideas for your organization, financial challenges of adoption and how the church can respond, how to have a Orphan Sunday event...

The people I met -- I would not have the opportunity to meet them anywhere else...all in one place. My roommate - a stranger to me before (through facebook we decided to share a room) was also a real blessing to me, pointing me forward and solidifying where God is leading me.

There were Hague sessions that adoptive parents could sign in to. I'm not too familiar with that, but I assume it's sessions that they have to go through at some point.

I heard couples say that they thought God was leading them to start an orphan ministry in their church and now they know it.

The testimony that stood out the most to me was Stephanie Fast's. It was unbelievable. God bless her and God please help other children who are currently living out her history.

Last year, Summit V was in TX, this year MN. I don't know where it will be next year, but consider going. It'll be tiring, but it will be worth it!

Top 10 countries for International Adoptions by Americans 2005 to 2009

2010-05-04T05:03:00.002-06:00

(From Jason Kovacs blog at the Abba Fund)

In 2009 these were the top 10 countries for international adoption (notice the dramatic difference in just 3 years):

China: 3,001
Ethiopia: 2,277
Russia: 1,586
South Korea: 1,080
Guatemala: 756
Ukraine: 610
Vietnam: 481
Haiti: 330
India: 297
Kazakhstan: 295

These were the numbers in 2005:

China: 7,903
Russia: 4,631
Guatemala: 3,783
South Korea: 1,628
Ukraine: 824
Kazakhstan: 755
Ethiopia: 442
India: 323
Colombia: 287
Philippines: 268
(Haiti was No. 11 with 234)

Source: U.S. State Department

How to Pray for Orphans

2010-05-03T05:58:00.001-06:00

1. Pray that they would believe and accept that they are loved by God / that they would receive Jesus as Lord and Saviour.
2. Pray for their protection.
3. Pray for their healing - physical, mental, emotional, pschological.
4. Pray that they would be a part of a loving forever family / community.
5. Pray that they would see themselves as God sees them.
7. Pray that they would be able to forgive all who have hurt them.
8. Pray that any anger about their past will be used to help others.
9. Pray for organizations serving orphans: may they be effective.
10. Pray for churches starting orphan or adoption ministries: that they would follow your lead, Lord.

Can you think of anything else?

How did you come to write the book?

2010-04-27T05:50:00.000-06:00

I received a message this morning...
"I am really looking forward to your book coming out! How did you come to write it? Is this something you have worked with for quite a while...orphans and orphanages?"

To answer...
Since starting the non-profit Canadian Artists for the Poor two summers ago, I've learned a lot about people living in extreme poverty. The needs, the situations, the countries... It seems to me though that at the very bottom of the barrel are orphans (and widows). They are often times without protection, food and help.

I started doing a great deal of research on orphans, interviewed people and search God's word on the matter. I found out He has a lot to say! So, while we certainly give to various orphanages etc. through Canadian Artists for the Poor, I can not say orphans are a group I have worked with for a long time.

I'm really looking forward to the book coming out, too! I might cry when I get the first one in my hands. It's a word from God to the church.

Mixed Families

2010-04-26T06:14:00.001-06:00

On Saturday, my son had his hockey wind-up party which included bowling and a pizza party at the coach's house. Who should sit beside me but the girlfriend of a particular hockey dad. See, all year at the practices I've been sitting with the ex-wife of this hockey dad. Naturally, I've heard her side of the story and how difficult life is. (The kids live with her.) And all year, I've looked at the girlfriend, thinking - she really isn't supposed to be in this picture.

Here I was getting to know the girlfriend on Saturday. She had just been swimming with one of the kids for 3 hours that afternoon. She was cheerful and kind to his children, engaged and willing to volunteer for an upcoming event one child was involved in. She was not an evil step-mom.

I picked up a book on step-families at church yesterday. What incredible hardship! Women who don't feel that they have a place in their own homes. Women who had no idea how involved the ex-wife would be. Women who feel powerless.

It makes sense that 2nd marriages fail more often than 1st. If you're married, imagine your situation 10 times worse. The devil likes to paint a pretty picture if we were to get a divorce and re-marry, but it is not pretty. There's a reason God Hates Divorce.

Where God is Leading

2010-04-22T06:47:00.000-06:00

I'm really excited about where God is leading me. I'm moving into a role as a Christian speaker which is very cool. The book about orphans is actually my second book. I have another about successful women entrepreneurs...it's just kinda crazy how they are coming out at the same time. One was slow to write. One was quick. The women's book involved interviewing and going back and forth with chapter reviews, which is why it took longer.

To make a long story short, both books are coming out at the same time - one definitely for the Christian (orphans bk) and one for anyone inspired by a good story.

As I'm moving into this new role, some things will be left behind - like a snake shedding its skin. I'm starting to get a picture of what some of those 'left behind' things are. My web design for others for sure. And my role with Canadian Artists for the Poor will likely change.

Thank you Lord that you are already in my future.

Endorsement

2010-04-12T04:30:00.000-06:00

I have received another endorsement for the book!

"Julie's compassionate book is an open letter to each of our hearts concerning the orphans who live among us. In this passionate writing she fully embraces the emotions of a "Dear John" letter, by pointing out the passions, the heart breaks and the irresponsible acts of men and women before a loving God, which results in the broken lives of orphan children. God loves His little ones and their angels always see the face of the heavenly Father. (Matthew 18:10)"
Wayne Gaines Founder/Director, Mighty 300 Ministries

Book Cover

2010-03-24T05:11:00.003-06:00

http://www.orphansandthefatherless.com/

Orphan Summit

2010-03-19T05:13:00.000-06:00

It's about a month until Summit VI in MN. This week I was checking out the different hotels people are staying at that are going to the Summit. I think there are just going to be the most interesting people in attendance! There are tonnes of different break out sessions, too. See more at:

http://www.christian-alliance-for-orphans.org/

Orphans Matter!

Website & Fundraising

2010-03-19T05:10:00.000-06:00

The website for the book Orphans and the Fatherless: Making Ourselves Known is almost complete. Actually, it may even be live later today. Just setting up the payment options now. We also want to send out the message about this book being used as a fundraiser. The retail cost for one book will be $13.99.

If someone / a church / an organization working with orphans or foster children / a family planning on adoption either internationally or adoption domestically want to use this book as a fundraiser, we encourage it! It's looking like a case will contain 72 books. We're offering a case at a 50% discount.

So, basically, one buys the books for $7 each and then turns around and says, "Okay, for our fundraising efforts / event, if you send us $25, we'll send you a book." It's a quick way to bring in over $1,000.

In addition, you are helping to spread the word, through this book, that ORPHANS MATTER! :)

Have a great Friday!

Summit VI

2010-03-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

I've got a couple people checking into their frequent flyer / air miles points for me. They may donate them to me so I can get over to Summit VI at the end of April. That would be great! I really want to go...

Check it out here -
http://www.christian-alliance-for-orphans.org/summit/

All about orphans! Please join us!

My Fundraiser

2010-03-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

I'm hosting a fundraising event for my book! The good news is...if you don't live in Calgary, you can still participate. Just go to:

http://www.artistsforthepoor.ca/fundraiser/index.html

to find out more. There is a wide variety of paintings by Rose-Marie Cameron up for auction and you can bid online.

Your support is appreciated! Thank you.

My First Endorsement

2010-03-06T07:32:00.000-07:00

I've gotten in my first endorsement for my Orphans and the Fatherless book!!

"Julie Chandler's insights on orphans and vulnerable children is worth the read. Sensitive, informative, and challenging, it confronts the reader with a world of both need and opportunity where the call to serving the broken trumps all else."
Jim Cantelon, President, Visionledd

I'm looking forward to posting more soon... :)

Summit VI

2010-03-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

On April 29 & 30, in Minneapolis, MS....

Summit VI is happening.

hosted by Christian Alliance for Orphans

check it out at http://www.christian-alliance-for-orphans.org/summit/

...defend the cause of the fatherless... Isaiah 1:17

I hope to see you there!

Quick Update

2010-01-27T06:41:00.000-07:00

The cover for my book is being designed this week. The title and sub-title have been finalized! I'm really excited about what's happening.

Next week I will likely be able to get a website started...

Favorable Review from Manuscript

2010-01-21T04:13:00.000-07:00

I sent my manuscript off to a woman who works in publishing / editing industry and she had encouraging words to say:

"Your words, your book, your voice has left me speechless. I am brought to tears by the richness of scripture used throughout and the relevance of your topics. I have read up to page 35 in your book thus far (up to Hope for the Hopeless), and I needed to stop and write you to say that GOD IS WITH YOU, he is IN this book and he WILL use this book to reach the nations, those who have the power to help and those who need help the most. I feel like this is what God is going to do through you, and with your words.

I am so blessed to read your manuscript, Julie, so thank you for that honour. May the Lord bless you and provide richly, as He will in turned be blessed, His Kingdom will come, orphans will be rescued, and His glory will shine through the words that you have written, in the desire you have (and have shared) to reach the orphans of the world.

The book WILL be the change we wish to see in the world."

Feedback

2010-01-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm getting some good feedback on my rough manuscript..."As far as content goes, it is incredibly rich". That's good news. It's going to be a long process getting a website done up for the book, getting the cover done, finalizing the book title and subtitle, all the editing and marketing etc. but I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm looking forward to having this book in the hands of people who need it!

Your prayers are appreciated...that the process will not be held up at any point etc. Thank you!

Writing a Book

2010-01-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

I'm finally done writing my book. It's being sent off this week so that the editing process can begin. I'm excited to think about what the cover will end up being. I've got some ideas, but who knows what it will be in the end!

It's been just over a year that I've been working on it...between my bits of thoughts I've put down here and interviews and meetings I've had -- it's been really interesting.

Not totally sure what the title will end up being, but I'll keep you posted. It's all about orphans and the fatherless...no surprise there, right?

Writing a book really is much like giving birth. (I'm sure that's been said many times and I agree!)

The Sheep and the Goats

2010-01-05T02:47:00.000-07:00

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
Matthew 25:31-46

Puzzle Pieces

2010-01-05T02:39:00.000-07:00

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.
Luke 17:5,6

"However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"
Luke 18:8b

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
James 2:26

I've been given a few more pieces to the puzzle. Recently I was reading an analysis on Luke 17 - a perspective I hadn't heard before. When the apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!", Jesus' response was basically, "Wrong thinking. Instead of 'Increase our faith!', you should be saying, 'Help us to exercise our faith!'" If your faith is super small, you've got enough to do super big things. You just have to get out of the boat and do it.

Okay, I can follow that. Scratch the old prayers.

When Jesus was saying, "when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"...was he also saying, "when I come back, will I find people excercising their faith?"

We know that faith without

accomplishments
achievements
acts
actions
adventures
big ideas
causes
commissions
crusades
doing
enterprises
exploits
feats
follow through
outcomes
performance
plans
projects
quests
tour de force

(otherwise known as works or deeds) is dead. Consequently, the next thing we might ask ourselves is: are there specific works or deeds he wants us to be doing? Did he drop any clues while he was hanging out with us down here...or just leave us hanging?

Fear and Love

2010-01-05T01:45:00.000-07:00

There is no fear in love.
1 John 4:18

When my mother was alive, there were always many men who came here. They either wanted the special drink that she cooked or wanted to spend time with her while we waited outside. They scared me.

Everyday we were beat, sometimes more than we should have been. Then mom got sick. She never got better. Lastnight I woke up in the night calling out to her because of a bad dream. It scared me.

Sometimes when I sit in the dirt to think, I think we're all going to starve to death. No mom. No dad. No work. No money. No food. Sometimes I think about killing myself but those thoughts really scare me.

Today two people came to ask us if we wanted to go to live at a place with other children. They have food there everyday. It will be far away from here. Maybe we'll never see our mother's grave again. That scares me.

They told us there was a God in heaven who loved us very much. Wow! I had never heard that before. We must be pretty important. I wonder if he knows our names. I don't think I need to be scared anymore.

Bringing in the Sheaves

2010-01-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

" 'When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God.' "
Leviticus 23:22

I really dislike quoting the latest statistics on issues surrounding orphans and the those living in extreme poverty. Okay, the numbers are real and they really represent real people but it just makes my eyes glaze over. I have not been inspired to do something by mere numbers alone. For example, the latest data shows that 18,000 children die every day due to hunger.

I wonder what it would look like if I drew a stick figure on a piece of white paper then photocopied it 18,000 times. Okay first I would need to take a trip to Staples. Instead of buying my regular pack of multi-purpose paper (500 sheets), I'll head for the cases. One case'll get me 5,000 sheets. Okay, 4 cases please. I think our photocopier would burn itself out, so maybe I'll just stack those 4 cases in the corner.

Yep, that's a lot of paper. That's a lot of kids. That's a lot of death. It's happening in India, China, other parts of Asia, Africa and Latin America. There's also hunger in North America, believe it or not.

God's solution was pretty simple. When you reap your harvest (receive your income), do not reap to the very edges of your field (spend it all). Leave some for the poor and the alien.

I guess that would also mean that I shouldn't be spending more than what my "harvest" brings in.

Hope for the Hopeless

2010-01-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

Hope for the Hopeless

What happens to the human soul

when there is no hope?

Does it fight to find light?

Does it settle for a life of darkess and fear?

In Zambia, the street boys find hope

even when there is no hope.

The yellow streetlight provides

a wonderfully illuminated safe haven.

The smell of urine and filth is as

comforting and familiar as the smell of freshly-baked bread.

The daily beatings and sexual abuse

ensure that there is regular human touch.

The garbage cans guarantee that

no one will go to sleep hungry.

You see?

There is hope for the hopeless.

-- Janine Maxwell

(from her book It's Not Okay with Me)

No Voice, No Defense, No Power, No Vote

2010-01-04T05:01:00.000-07:00

Your blood speaks a better word
Than all the empty claims I've heard upon this earth

Speaks righteousness for me

And stands in my defense

Jesus it's Your blood
(Matt Redman)

In his book, Too Small to Ignore, the current President of Compassion Internation Dr. Wess Stafford talks about how children are often ignored and left out, even by the church. He mentions that since they can't vote and don't gather with placards in hand to fight injustices, they also aren't heard by governments. Who cares about what they think?

You may think it odd, in a blog about orphans and the fatherless that I would raise the issue of politics and elections, however I see that as an integral part of the solution for the orphan and the fatherless. We must get more Godly people elected.

Think of it this way: in deciding policies or voting on specific bills, the Godly politician will have families towards the forefront of his mind. The ungodly will have money towards the forefront of his mind.

I know this doesn't necessarily play out as it should each time, in the real world. Christians get elected and then fill with pride. They lose or forget their sense of purpose, etc. But, we can continue to pray that they would seek God and listen to his voice.

God's voice is the ultimate voice for the voiceless. His blood is our defense. He has the power and the last say.

God has been Merciful to Me

2010-01-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

"My name is Ambakisye. It's a special name. It means 'God has been merciful to me'. I am 4 years old. I live in a mud hut in Tanzania with my mother and baby sister. Her name is Asya. Her name means 'born during mourning'. Mourning is when the women cry all day and the men lay someone down into the ground. When they were laying my father in the ground, my mother cried so loud that it woke up Asya from inside my mother's belly so she wanted to come out and see what was going on. I cried when they put my father in the ground.

Lots of people get sick around here. They lie down in their hut and they never get up again. They get very skinny. Then, after a little while they get put into the ground, too. We hear lots of crying mostly everyday.

I am thankful that my mother is with us. She does beat us, which I don't like but I know she loves us and she gives us food to eat mostly every day."
-----
"My name is Ambakisye. It's a special name. It means 'God has been merciful to me', but I'm still trying to figure out how he has been merciful to me. I am six years old. I live in a mud hut in Tanzania with my baby sister. Well, she's 2 now but I still think of her as a baby since she's still so small.

Our mother died last year of the skinny disease. She got owees all over and when the owees got into her mouth, that was bad. She couldn't talk or eat because her mouth was bleeding. Then, all we could do is stare at her and wait until she stopped breathing. Then, I went and told Grandma. I cried when they put our mother in the ground.

Now we don't eat very often. I wish we did. I wish our mother was still alive. Grandma already has 26 children to feed. I can count to 26, you know. I can't go to school but I still learned how to count. I hope I can go to school one day. I hope I could be a teacher, too.

Now Asya and I sit on the ground together and wait. We're looking for God, or atleast someone who looks a lot like him. My grandma told me that she doesn't know what God looks like but I will recognize him when he comes.

Tearing down Walls

2010-01-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to tear down and a time to build...

Ecclesiastes 3:1,3

Many of us are familiar with President Ronald Regan's words when he said to Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, "Tear down this wall!", referring to the Berlin Wall. He spoke so passionately. What he desired so strongly was for the people there to also live in freedom.

Similarly, I believe God is standing before us asking us, "Will you tear down this wall?" He is speaking to his children - the rich ones who live in places like North America. Because we love God, we quickly respond, "Yes, Lord. But, what wall are you talking about?" He describes the wall that separates us and the orphans - the wall we put up.

The wall has many bricks. Each one a slightly different colour, but they seem securely in their places. He leads us for a closer look. It seems that each brick has words written on them. As we get to the distance where we can read them, we see one brick that says, "It's not my problem." Another that says, "Let their government help them." Another brick reads, "I've got my own problems."..."Maybe they get what they deserve over there."..."There's too many to help."..."I don't want to know."..."Who cares?"..."Let's worry about our poor first."..."I wouldn't know what to do."..."Maybe they're better off dead."..."I don't care about orphans."

And what God is REALLY hoping for is for us to passionately respond to him by saying, "Lord, tear down this wall!" because what he desires so strongly is for the people there to also live in freedom.

I am a Street Child

2010-01-02T15:52:00.001-07:00

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
John 15:12

I remember with delight reading the Choose Your Own Adventure books when I was a child. For those of you who are not familiar, at the end of each chapter, you were able to put yourself in the main character's shoes and for example: choose to a) run from the people chasing you and go to page 34 or b) stay and fight and go to page 16.

Here is my Choose Your Own Adventure version for the street child. You choose whichever letter you want for each:

1. I was born in:
a) Kenya
b) Zambia
c) South Africa

2. My parents died when I was:
a) three and a half
b) seven
c) twelve

3. I have:
a) four brothers and sisters
b) three younger siblings
c) an older brother but I lost him

4. I eat:
a) once every other days
b) once every three days
c) when I can find something in the garbage

5. The last time I had a shower or a bath was:
a) I don't recall
b) probably four years
c) last year

6. I was last beaten and raped:
a) two nights ago
b) three nights ago
c) last month

7. I wonder why I'm alive:
a) daily
b) with every breath I breathe
c) sometimes

8. What hope means to me:
a) wishing I could go to school
b) thinking about getting off the streets
c) the pain would somehow end

9. What my grandmother last said to me:
a) Get out of here!
b) I can't take care of you anymore.
c) You are loved.

10. I am capable of:
a) lying and stealing
b) learning
c) loving

The Role of a Father

2010-01-01T08:39:00.002-07:00

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

Deuteronomy 6:6-8

It's difficult to summarize the role of a father. We know that there are numerous ways that children benefit from having a father - with better problem solving abilities, strengthened cognitive capacities and improved social competencies - an overall better IQ and EQ. But what is the role of a father?

Fathers are designed to love their children.
Fathers are designed to bless their children.
Fathers are designed to create a sense of belonging in their children.
Fathes are designed to protect their children.
Fathers are designed to teach their children.
Fathers are designed to discipline their children.
Fathers are designed to give things to their children.
Fathers are designed to spend time with their children.
Fathers are designed to provide for their children.
Fathers are designed to encourage their children.
Fathers are designed to touch and care for their children.
Fathers are designed to leave an inheritance for their children.
Fathers are designed to love their wife as Christ loved the church.
Fathers are designed to be the bedrock of the family.
Fathers are designed to be imitators of God - a reflection of our Heavenly Father.

Our father is our first understanding of what it is to be a male - and that men and women are created differently.

I remember a study done by Dr George Preti, of the Monell Chemical Senses Centre in Philadelphia, and colleagues. They collected the armpit sweat from several men and exposed female volunteers to the scent. Afterwards, women reported feeling less tense and more relaxed! So, things we can't see - hormones and stress levels in family members are also affected by having a dad in the home.

It's difficult to describe the role of a father, but the bottom line is the closer the connection between a father and his child, the better off they both are now and in the future.

No Dad Because of Mom?

2009-12-30T05:02:00.001-07:00

If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

1 John 4:20

There are many instances when a mother who has custody of the children will interfere with the visitation of the non-custodial father. In these cases, there is a father who cares and wishes to spend time with his children but because of the mother is blocked. This is a trajedy. The mother wishes to hurt the father due to events that happened during the marriage however ends up harming the children.

This has become so common, there is a syndrome that describes it. Malicious Mother Syndrome is defined by:

1. A mother who unjustifiably punishes her divorcing or divorced husband by:
a. Attempting to alienate their mutual children from the father
b. Involving others in malicious actions against the father
c. Engaging in excessive litigation

2. The mother specifically attempts to deny her child(ren):
a. Regular uninterrupted visitation with the father
b. Uninhibited telephone access to the father
c. Paternal participation in the child(ren)’s school life and extracurricular activities

3. The pattern is pervasive and includes malicious acts towards the husband including:
a. Lying to the children
b. Lying to others
c. Violations of law

4. The disorder is not specifically due to another mental disorder, although a separatemental disorder may co-exist.

The mother's continual negative actions often do what they are intended to do: discourage the father from having a relationship with the children. This is something to be seriously mourned. A custodial parent who interferes in these ways commits grave sins, according to the bitterness and unforgiveness of their heart.

How said it is to be fatherless because of a "loving" mother.

I Can't See My Kids As Much As I'd Like

2009-12-30T04:38:00.000-07:00

Here are some statistics on fathers regarding visitation:

- 37.9% of fathers have no access/visitation rights. (Source: p.6, col.II, para. 6, lines 4 & 5, Census Bureau P-60, #173, Sept 1991.)

- "40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the non-custodial father's visitation on at least one occasion, to punish the ex-spouse." (Source: p. 449, col. II, lines 3-6, (citing Fulton) Frequency of visitation by Divorced Fathers; Differences in Reports by Fathers and Mothers. Sanford Braver et al, Am. J. of Orthopsychiatry, 1991.)

- "Overall, approximately 50% of mothers "see no value in the father`s continued contact with his children...." (Source: Surviving the Breakup, Joan Kelly & Judith Wallerstein, p. 125)

- Only 11% of mothers value their husband's input when it comes to handling problems with their kids. Teachers & doctors rated 45%, and close friends & relatives rated 16%.(Source: EDK Associates survey of 500 women for Redbook Magazine. Redbook, November 1994, p. 36)

- "The former spouse (mother) was the greatest obstacle to having more frequent contact with the children." (Source: Increasing our understanding of fathers who have infrequent contact with their children, James Dudley, Family Relations, Vol. 4, p. 281, July 1991.)

- "A clear majority (70%) of fathers felt that they had too little time with their children." (Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial Father, Mary Ann Kock & Carol Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 54, Winter 1984.)
- "Very few of the children were satisfied with the amount of contact with their fathers, after divorce." (Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial Father, Koch & Lowery, Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 50, Winter 1984.)

- "Feelings of anger towards their former spouses hindered effective involvement on the part of fathers; angry mothers would sometimes sabotage father's efforts to visit their children." (Source: Ahrons and Miller, Am. Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol. 63. p. 442, July `93.)

- "Mothers may prevent visits to retaliate against fathers for problems in their marital or post-marital relationship." (Source: Seltzer, Shaeffer & Charing, Journal of Marriage & the Family, Vol. 51, p. 1015, November 1989.)

- In a study: "Visitational Interference - A National Study" by Ms. J Annette Vanini, M.S.W. and Edward Nichols, M.S.W., it was found that 77% of non-custodial fathers are NOT able to "visit" their children, as ordered by the court, as a result of "visitation interference" perpetuated by the custodial parent. In other words, non-compliance with court ordered visitation is three times the problem of non-compliance with court ordered child support and impacts the children of divorce even more. Originally published Sept. 1992

To the Single Moms

2009-12-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:5-7

I think if a mom spent a little time reading books or studies on children who grow up without a participating father - and she herself was raising the children alone, she could become quickly distraught. There have been countless studies done that can be researched and it seems that most of the findings in regards to fatherless children are negative. More teen pregnancies for girls who grow up without an involved father. More drugs...less graduates from high school...more violence, less stability...more chances of the children going to jail etc. It really could become quite overwhelming.

What's a mother to do? She can only mother, not father. Many experts suggest getting the uncles, grampas and other safe male role models involved in the child's life. I think becoming educated on how men typically father would also be helpful. For instance, men will typically spend their time with their children in a very playful, physical way. Knowing about this possible void in a child's life may lead to enrolling the child in wrestling, for example. There are a variety of outlets to choose from.

Beyond these solutions, a single mother would be wise to continually present her requests about her children to God, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving. It's hard to complain about your situation when you're being thankful for it. And the children will benefit tremendously from a mother's prayers. It really could mean the difference between life and death or hopeless and hopeful. Mothers, anytime you are feeling anxious about your children's future, get on your knees. Keep on praying.

The Lord is near.

Fatherless Again

2009-12-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5b

Unfortuneately, the only dad many children will know is the name that appears on their birth records - if they have that. They will never meet their fathers, eat a meal together or share each others lives.

Earlier this year I applied to receive identifying information on my birth parents. Being adopted, I was more than a little curious to receive the details that would come in the mail. I read with great shock about my birth mother who was born in Germany. It gave her name, her age at the time of my birth, what she named me and a couple other tidbits of information. Under the section of birth father, there was nothing. No name, age or address. Just blank.

Some say that there are no "fatherless". We all have a birth father, we just may not know him. The father may never be identified, as in the case of artificial insemination, but he still exists.

Technically, I fall into the group of people who will never meet their biological father, but since I was adopted from birth I don't feel the loss. A child that does feel the loss may spend years waking up to various dreams of them meeting their father...only to wake up, fatherless again.

When a Father Abandons his Chidren

2009-12-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.
Psalm 9:10 (NLT)

There are a few different ways that one becomes fatherless. One way is abandonment, where a father will "leave completely and finally". Abandonment is also called desertion. The word desertion comes from the root word desert - as in, the place in which few forms of life can exist because of lack of water, permanent frost, or absence of soil.

To think that when a father leaves his child, he is leaving that child in a place where it's hard to survive because of lack of love, attention, or absence of guidance!

The reasons for abandonment vary from social, cultural and political reasons as well as mental illness. Poverty is often a key ingredient in child abandonment. If the father doesn't feel he is a good provider, he may feel like a failure and wish to escape. Another key ingredient often found in desertion is the crumbling relationship between the mother and the father. The father slowly begins to withdraw from mother and child.

God is a father who will not abandon us. When we call on his name, he is quick to run towards us, not away. He is never overwhelmed by our needs, our problems or our desires.

It's interesting to note that an abandoned child is called a foundling. "I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind, but now I see."

I hate divorce

2009-12-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God.
Malachi 2:16

Ever wonder why he hates it? Check this information:

- Alcoholism is much more likely to be a problem among those who have been divorced than those who have not. Those divorced only once have almost twice the rate of alcoholism as those who have never been divorced. Folks divorced more than once are almost three times as likely to have drinking problems.

- The suicide rate is almost three times higher among the divorced than among life-long spouses.

- The National Institute of Mental Health advises that the divorced are about four times as likely to have problems with depression as are the never-divorced.

- Studies have shown that the prevalence of suffering from any psychiatric disorder over a lifetime was significantly lower for those in stable marriages.

- Statistical data have revealed that children of divorced parents are much more likely to drop out of school than children from one-time-married couples.

- Children from broken homes are much more likely to have a difficult time obtaining and maintaining steady employment.

- The children of divorced parents are more likely to become “teen parents,” producing out-of-wedlock babies, than the children of life-long married parents.

- The offspring of divorced parents are twenty to thirty percent more likely to have health problems, or to be injury-prone than youngsters whose original parents are still together.

- The children of divorced parents are three times more likely to have emotional or behavioral problems than they will have if their biological parents stay together.

(Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in Post-Modern Society by Glenn T. Stanton)

Guess there's a number of reasons why we should hate it, too.

The Effects of Divorce

2009-12-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Revelation 21:4

Once in a while, I invite a couple of kids over to hang out, relax, play and have pizza. Their single-mom lives nearby, but has to work full time so it gives her a bit of a break. Last time the kids were here, I noticed there was something wrong with the 8 year old boy. After inquiring with, "You don't seem all that cheerful," he immediately broke into tears. He started talking about his dad, saying how he hated him SO much. (He was aware of the father's affairs that lead to the breakup of the marriage.)

His poor little body was filled with more anger than could be expressed with words alone. The girl in the family seemed comparitively fine but I've since learned about the "sleeper effect". Children that seem to adjust to the divorce well in childhood will suddenly - in their 20's have deep emotional pain and fear to deal with. It usually hits them when issues of romance and marriage enter their lives. The effects are long-lasting.

The divorce of one's parents can hang like a cloud over one's head - even into the child's marriage. Expecting disaster at any moment, they sometimes live like they are walking on egg shells.

In the book, Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages, author Nicholas H. Wolfinger’s research suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

How much more reason to pray for marriages! We must be actively involved in breaking the cycle of divorce.

Love one another

2009-12-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:34

I have heard more than one person say, after their father's funeral, "He never told me he loved me." With profound sadness, they go on to say that they are sure he must have, but he never did say it. What crushing cruelty! Talk about giving stones! (Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?) Words from one's father are so important.

In each book we read, the author must provide information in regards to the source of all excerpts of printed materials. Same with quotes. The reader needs to know, "Who said that? Where did you get that information from?" It's the same question we hear asked during an argument, "Who told you that?"

There are many children of divorce, who repeatedly say to themselves, "I'm stupid. My dad doesn't love me. He doesn't care at all." If asked, who told them that (or what the source was), they would probably point to their father's actions and words - or lack thereof. In some cases, they may also point to things their mother has said.

Mothers, if you have been divorced, pray for your ex-husband that he would consistency show the children how valuable they are. Pray that he would not only speak words of love, but also show love with appropriate touch and gifts. Pray he would understand how important time with them is. Pray he would sacrifice for them. And pray for yourself that you would never speak against him, especially in your children's presence. May your family know and experience the power of forgiveness.

Do we REALLY need dads?

2009-12-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

I meant to do that...does that mean a thing?
Paul Brandt

There are many today that argue that children don't need a father and that they will do just fine without one. There's plenty of single moms raising responsible chidren. If need be, I could think of a number of successful people who grew up fatherless...whether it be in the world of sports, acting or business. So, the question is: do children REALLY need a dad?

Can't morals be taught by mothers? Can't mothers bring in the bacon? Can't the mothers or other relatives be the source of encouragement? Can't friends fill the void of that one relationship? Uncles, grandfathers or others can take the child to sporting events. Teachers at school can fill in some of the blanks. Pastors can help to guide.

Yes, this is all very true. Others in the family and community can help raise the child. However, inside the heart of every child is the deep longing and unquenchable desire to be known, loved and cherished by their very own father. Children can certainly succeed without a father, but it's much like a child who has lost a leg. Sure, they can get a prosthetic. They will look a lot like the other kids...you might not even be able to tell a difference between them and other youth. But underneath it all - something's missing.

As Pamela Thomas puts it in her book Fatherless Daughters, "describing the consequences of my dad's death was rather like trying to define the perimeter of a void, or opening a file in my computer labeled "Influence of My Father" and finding it empty."

We do need dads.

Who are the Fatherless?

2009-12-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
Psalm 82:3

Recently I was speaking with a friend of the family, telling them that I am writing a book about the fatherless. I went on to describe how the fatherless are not simply the African orphans we picture in our minds, but also the child in the foster care system, the prisoner, the pregnant teen, the adolescent on drugs, the rapist, the arsonist, the child whose parents are divorced and the high school drop out.

He said that he didn't care about the fatherless. My daughter, who had been listening to the conversation said, "Maybe you don't know God."

It seems as though the more I get to know God, the more I see the widow, the orphan, the prisoner and the poor. Everything about God is backwards to my human ways. I'm starting to get it. He's less into the big show as he is in the little kindness. Someone giving 1 cent gives more than another giving $1,000. He's more in the dirty back streets as he is in the clean rich homes.

I really wanted to go to a church concert a few weeks back and had been looking forward to it for some time. As fate would have it, I didn't end up going but instead was visiting with a widow at a nearby home for the aged. As I was leaving, I was thinking, "Maybe God was more here than he was there, anyway."

I'm still learning...

TV vs. Dad

2009-12-23T08:43:00.001-07:00

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of non-stop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube. Here are some more interestng bits of information:

Number of minutes per week that parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children: 3.5
Number of minutes per week that the average child watches television: 1,680
Number of minutes per week that the average Christian prays: 15 - 30
Percentage of 4-6 year-olds who, when asked to choose between watching TV and spending time with their fathers, preferred television: 54

Dads, inparticular, are losing this battle. Do they care or even recognize it as a battle?

The other day I announced that I would no longer be calling the television a T.V., but instead would be calling it a T.W., as in "time waster". We'll see if it sticks.

The above statistics are sickining on a variety of levels. Firstly, because television is certainly not teaching our children things that are good like how to dress/act modestly or honour their mother and father. Secondly, it's ridiculous in this hurting world that we sit around, wasting SO MUCH TIME when we could be making a difference. (Not to mention the relationship between television and obesity, etc.)

All Satan has to do to make us ineffective is put a television in our home.

Divorced

2009-12-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22

Ladies, would your husband say that he has found something good when he found you? How about the husband living next door? Do you think he would agree that he has found something good when he got married? The bible says that the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Which side are you on?

Most people I meet have been divorced. Whether it be a bus stop, hockey practise or business meeting - it's all the same. Often I will look around the room, while at a social gathering and whisper to my husband, "Do you realize we're the only ones here who have not been divorced?" It's shocking, not only because of the statisics but because NO ONE thought we would stay married this long. Over the years, we have even been given advice from Christians to divorce. It's sad.

I pray that we will all start to hate divorce as much as God does. Everyone suffers. We need to fight hard - not only for our own marriages but for all those we know who are still married. Praying for other's marriages on a continual basis or sending great books on marriage is pro-active. Every conversation you have with a friend struggling in her marriage can lead her closer to divorce or farther away. Encourage them. Give them hope. With God all things are possible.

Alternatively, you sit by while the divorce goes through and help mop up after that. Depression. Problems for kids at school. Anger. Resentment. Trouble with lawyers and payments and visitations. Complications. It's another form of fatherlessness for the kids. Let's try to avoid it.

I am a Prisoner

2009-12-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me o preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.

Luke 4:18-19

As far as I can figure it, there are 5 types of prisoners.  There are those that don't realize that they are prisoners, those that do, inprisoned prisoners, free prisoners and those that choose to become prisoners.

The word prisoner describes a person who is confined in prison (or kept in custody) especially as the result of legal process.  A prisoner is person who is deprived of liberty.

The prisoner who doesn't realize they are a prisoner is the non-Christian. They are not free. Spiritual laws dictate this. And because God is just and holy, he can not ignore these laws or let us bi-pass them.

The person who realizes he is a prisoner recognizes the sin in his life and knows that he needs a Judge to receive forgiveness. Once forgiven, he is released. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Inprisoned prisoners are simply those without God who live in jail. Free prisoners live in jail but are free because they know Christ.

The ones that choose to become prisoners are ones such as Paul who, on a number of occassions referred to himself as a prisoner for the Lord. These people are also deprived of liberty - by choice and for a higher purpose.  "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible."

105 Things to do with your Kids (for Dads Only)

2009-12-21T08:49:00.001-07:00

Okay, dads here it is: A list of stuff to do with your kids. When you're scratching your head about what to do, pick one of these. This is not a check-list. You may pick one - like going for an icecream - and do that every single week for the next 20 years and forget the others. Have fun being a dad!

In order by age:
1. Feed your baby.
2. Hold your baby.
3. Take them for a stroller ride.
4. Offer to change their diaper.
5. Give them a special nickname.
6. Push them on a swing.
7. Go down a slide together.
8. Continualy thank God for them out loud by name.
9. Clap for them when they use the potty, telling them what a big boy/girl they are.
10. Look for cool rocks or shells together.
11. Help them to ride a tricycle.
12. Give them a piggy-back ride.
13. Eat cheerios together. Make designs with them.
14. Put on a show with hand puppets.
15. Chew bubblegum, blow big bubbles that pop in your face.
16. Play dinosaurs together with loud sounds.
17. Play in the mud / splash in puddles together.
18. Tell them how special they are.
19. Take a walk in the rain with umbrellas.
20. Have a bubblebath together (with or without bathingsuits).
21. Give them a ride on your shoulders.
22. Call them on the phone, disguising your voice as their favourite TV character.
23. Blow dandelion seeds together.
24. Go to a pool together.
25. Play eye-spy.
26. Ask them to hold a tool if you're fixing the car/dishwasher.
27. Give them a kids tool belt just like yours.
28. Play with dinky cars together (with noises).
29. Blow bubbles together.
30. Colour together in a colouring book.
31. Play dollies.
32. Read a bed-time story.
33. Give them a nose-kiss.
34. Give them butterfly kisses (your eye lashes on their cheek).
35. Lie in the grass, look at the clouds and point out imaginary things.
36. Buy cookie dough from the grocery store and bake the cookies at home.
37. Play fireman with the hose. Pretend something's on fire.
38. Play policeman. One of you tries to get away.
39. Go to the store where you build a stuffed animal together.
40. When driving, turn off the radio and look for stuff like red cars.
41. Sing a song together.
42. Go to the zoo.
43. Go bike riding together.
44. Ask them for help when taking out the garbage.
45. Make a mother's day card.
46. Go on a picnic lunch (outside or just on the living room floor).
47. Take them to get a bank account.
48. Go to a fast food restaurant that has a playground.
49. Go to the dollar store and let them buy something for themself & someone else.
50. Go for a hike in the woods.
51. Go camping.
52. Find a stream and throw sticks and rocks in it or try to skip rocks.
53. Chase them for fun.
54. Spin them around.
55. Tickle them.
56. Catch falling snowflakes on your tongues, then make a snowman.
57. Do armpit farts together.
58. Find a grassy hill and roll down it together.
59. Talk through the heat vents for fun (or walky talkys).
60. Go to a thrift store, buy crazy hats and clothes and play dress up.
61. Play store. Someone buys, someone sells.
62. Build a fort with kitchen chairs, blankets and pillows.
63. Make paper airplanes and throw them.
64. Cut out paper snowflakes and tape them to the window.
65. Kick a soccer ball back and forth.
66. Play street hockey.
67. Go bowling.
68. Cuddle on the couch together.
69. Paint pictures.
70. Go to a monster truck show or car races together.
71. Go to the library and pick out books.
72. Have a fun snowball fight. Pretend to get hit hard and fall down.
73. Play sword fighting for fun with Christmas wrapping paper tubes.
74. Use a whoopy cushion.
75. Teach them that praying is just talking to our friend God.
76. Make funny faces on a window...each of you on one side.
77. Play boardgames together.
78. Go skating.
79. Take them for an icecream cone.
80. Visit a widow or an older relative together.
81. Go rock climbing.
82. Help them with their school work or a school project.
83. Go fishing.
84. Play a video game together.
85. Do an experiment (mentos vs. 2 lt pop is fun - outside!)
86. Go to some historical sites together.
87. Go watch fireworks on special days.
88. Take them horse back riding or go to the horse races.
89. Go skiing together.
90. Go for a run or volunteer together for a fundraising run.
91. Help out at the church together eg. delivering Christmas hampers.
92. Walk and talk through a museum together.
93. Visit a friend in the hospital together.
94. Go to an art exhibition together.
95. Go to a concert together.
96. Go to a sporting event together.
97. Take the dog for a walk together.
98. Tell them how proud you are of them.
99. Read the bible together.
100. Tell them stories of Moses, David, Jesus...
101. Take them to their favourite restaurant as a surprise.
102. Plan a surprise together for mom.
103. Include them when running an errand.
104. Learn to play a musical instrument together.
105. Worship God together.

How to be a Dad

2009-12-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
James 1:5

My husband is an intelligent man. He has earned a university degree and is highly asteemed among those who have seen him at work. He's an idea man, driven to succeed, leading others as he goes. However, once at home he's not sure what to do with the kids. He thinks, sometimes that he (and a lot of other guys like him) need a How to be a Dad For Dummies book. Well, here's my mini-version:

You've got 2 hands. Before you're a father, you get to use both. Once you become a father, you get to use one. Let me explain...

Imagine there's a car that has either broken down or run out of gas. (That car represents your career/job.) Pre-daddies can push that car with both hands to the nearest garage or gas station. They can push with all their might, getting to their destination quickly with much vigor.

Once you become a daddy, you must choose to push that car with one hand. You'll get where you're going, but it'll just take a little longer. One-hand pushing involves trusting God for some things which is good...that will take strength.

Here's how to remember: in business, you shake hands with your right hand. Your left hand is for your kids. Hold it up. Five fingers. Do these 5 things everyday -
1. Hug your child.
2. Tell them you love them.
3. Read the bible to them.
4. Smile at them.
5. Tell them God loves them.

Pretty easy, right? Just look at your hands every once in a while to check to see if you're pushing your career with one or two hands and at the end of everyday go through your 5-finger father checklist. (And ask God for wisdom all the time!)

Discouraged Children

2009-12-20T16:37:00.000-07:00

Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Colossians 3:21

There are some men in this world who really don't deserve the title of "daddy" or "father". In them exists the meanest and most cruel of human life. They treat their children with constant disdain and the only touch that would come from them is a slap in the back of the head, a kick in the backside or perhaps even sexual advances. (Although statistics indicate this is generally reserved for mom's boyfriend. There are, thankfully MANY men who take the role of step-father seriously and add much quality and love to a child's life.)

These mean fathers I speak of continually speak negativity into their children's lives. They call names, use profanity, curse, demand and punish. It seems they have no heart. The children who grow up like this are shells of anger and hurt -- with good reason. They are left voiceless, unable to defend themselves and in turn insulting themselves with the same insults their father uses. Their only hope is to consider running away or suicide.

What they really want is an end to the pain. Is it any wonder that online games such as 'How to Kill Yourself', other violent video games, drugs and alcohol are in such demand?

Real fathers care for their children. They are aware of their responsibility and take it seriously. They look for opportunities to teach, lead and encourage.

Lord, please help the children who have become discouraged. May your church reach out to them one at a time. We are your hands and feet.

Death of a Father

2009-12-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"
1 Corinthians 15:55

Earlier this year, a friend of the family died in a car accident. The man was 44, married and a father of two boys. He was an incredibly positive and cheerful person. He loved spending time with his wife as well as his boys, especially watching them play hockey. All it took for these two young boys to become fatherless was one icy road. And now what a hard time they are having trying to adjust to life without him!

I have some understanding of what they are going through as my dad died in 2006. Similarly, I had a great dad. However, I had 3 months to say goodbye to my dad. That can make a big difference in the healing process. Also, I was already an adult when my dad passed away.

I recall the first Father's Day after my dad's death. I was at church when I started crying uncontrollably, realizing I didn't have a dad to celebrate with anymore. Through my tears, God comforted me. My husband stood with his arm around me and I felt like God was calming me by saying, "I'm your dad now."

It's really sad when a good daddy dies. It's also really sad when a father dies, but no one mourns. Instead, there is a feeling of relief from suffering. I have seen both sides of the coin. Both sides need healing.

Lord, please heal us!

How to Pray for Fathers

2009-12-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16b

In Stormie Omartian's book The Power of a Praying Wife, she instructs wives on how they can, among other things, pray for their husbands in regards to parenting. Here is a similar prayer for any dad:

Lord, teach _____ to be a good father. Help him to forgive his father for any wrongs he has committed. I pray that generational sins will be broken and that healing will replace hurt. May he come to really know you as his Heavenly Father. Draw him close. Teach him your ways. Help him to walk in your ways.

Help him to love his children as you do. Help him to balance mercy, judgment, and instruction. Give him wisdom especially when the children are disobedient and help him to recognize repentant hearts. Your word declares that whoever loves his son is careful to discipline him. Help him to be thoughtful and careful in his discipline.

I pray that he will not exasperate his children but instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of you, Lord. Help others to support and encourage him in his role as a father. I pray he would not be criticized, demeaned or looked down on for his efforts. May both parents walk in agreement in regards to the raising of their children. I pray that there will be no arguments over how to handle the children and the issues that surround their lives.

Help him to show love to his children. I pray he will know each child -- their special gifts and abilities. Help him to communicate in their specific love language. Help him to go the extra mile in getting involved in their lives, their activities and their interests. May there be zero presence of abuse, neglect or thoughtlessness.

Help him to be the dad you want him to be, not the dad others expect him to be. Instead of living a life of blame, I pray it would be a life of blessing. Thank you for all of his special giftings. May he delight in his children and pass on a rich spiritual heritage to them, teaching them all about you and your ways. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Father Hunger

2009-12-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
William Shakespeare

In 1980, a psychiatrist named James Herzog wrote a classic paper, "Sleep disturbance and father hunger in 18- to 28-month-old boys." In it, he discussed a concept known as "father hunger." In his paper, Herzog described the cause of night terrors in 12 boys. In every case, these boys experienced night terrors due to an absent father in the home.

In each of these cases, their father was absent because of recent divorce from the mother. As a result, the boys slept at night with their mothers. During the day they were characteristically clingy to their mothers; but they clearly did not get comfort from sleeping with their mothers when their fathers were gone. One little boy was even able to construct an appropriate condition for a family in a doll house: The father and mother were in one bed and a happy little boy was in his own.

In his more recent book, Father Hunger, James Herzog establishes, in several cases, how desperately boys need closeness with their fathers in order to feel secure in developing their own masculinity. He makes it obvious that there is a relationship between a boy's need for a constructively meaningful relationship with a father and his growing up to enjoy healthy self-esteem, including having a satisfying relationship with a woman.

Lord, help the daddies be the daddies you want them to be.

Where's Daddy?

2009-12-20T05:04:00.000-07:00

90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census.

80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.

60% of repeat rapists grew up without fathers. Raymond A. Knight and Robert A. Prentky, "The Developmental Antecednts of Adult Adaptations of Rapist Sub-Types," Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol 14, Dec., 1987, p 403-426.

71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. US Dept. of Health & Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999.

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census.

85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. Center for Disease Control.

90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. Wray Herbert, "Dousing the Kindlers," Psychology Today, January, 1985, p.28.

71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.

75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse canters come from fatherless homes. Rainbows for all God`s Children.

70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. US Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988.

85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections, 1992.

75% of prisoners grew up without a father. Daniel Amneus, The Garbage Generation, Alhambra, CA: Primrose Press, 1990.

Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999.

43% of US children live without their father. US Department of Census.

Two years after divorce, 51% of children in sole mother custody homes only see their father once or twice a year, or never. Guidubaldi, 1989; Guidubaldi, 1988; Guidubaldi, Perry, & Nastasi, 1987.

42% of fathers fail to see their children at all after divorce. Frank F. Furstenberg, Jr. and Christine Winguist Nord, "Parenting Apart," Journal of Marriage and the Family, vol 47, no. 4, November, 1985.

90% of father disengagement is caused by obstruction of access by a custodial parent anxious to break the father-child ties. Kruk, 1992, cited by Prof. John Guidubaldi in his Minority Report and Policy Recommendations of the US Commission on Child & Family Welfare, US Code Citation: 42 USC 12301, 1996. Same cause identified by Braver, Wolchik, & Sandler, 1985, without incidence values.

Mistreated

2009-12-20T04:59:00.000-07:00

Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.
Hebrews 13: 3

If nothing else (although he is a lot more), our God is the one who remembers the lonely, the mis-fits, the orphan, the widow and the prisoners. We are asked to remember prisoners as well -- but not as the free people we are. We are asked to remember those in prison as if we were their fellow prisoners. That involves me, first of all, imagining what it would be like to be their fellow prisoner. I can do that. Let's imagine...

I have done something REALLY stupid. After I did it, I was filled with fear because I knew I couldn't go back. Time...can't go back in time. The police found me, picked me up and put me in jail. I waited for my trial with my hands in my head, tears ever-flowing. Regret. Time...can't go back in time. Time...if I go to jail, I will lose time with my kids. Time, valuable time. How much time will I lose apart from my family? What will I miss? The first steps? Seeing them read for the first time? Their Christmas pageant? How could I be so stupid? Regret. Filled with regret. What kind of legacy will I leave? Sorrow, deep sorrow.

Now that I have received my 10 year sentence, I have accepted some things. What I don't want to accept, however are the beatings and rapes. Man, this is crap. No one cares. They don't realize what it's like in here. We committed a crime...fine...let us serve out our time, but why allow the beatings, rape and torture, too? No privacy. No family. No life. Treated worse than an animal. Time...time moves so slowly for me now.

Who are the Fatherless? Prisoners

2009-12-20T04:23:00.001-07:00

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
Ephesians 4:1

A Catholic priest tells of a nun who worked in a men's prison. One day, she said, a prisoner asked her to buy him a Mother's Day card for his mother. She did, and the word traveled like wildfire around the prison. Deluged with requests, she called Hallmark Cards, who obliged with huge boxes of Mother's Day cards as a donation. The warden arranged for each inmate to draw a number, and they lined up through the cell blocks to get their cards.

Weeks later, the nun was looking ahead on her calendar, and decided to call Hallmark again and ask for as many Father's Day cards, in order to avoid another rush. As Father's Day approached, the warden announced free cards were again available at the chapel. To the nun's surprise, not a single prisoner ever asked her for a Father's Day card.

75% of prisoners grew up without a father. Whenever we read "fatherless" in the bible, we can insert "inmate" in its place with great accuracy. As Tony Campolo puts it in his book Everybody Wants to Change the World, "we have found it easier to lock people away in a man-made hell than accept the hard work of rehabilitating them."

Infertility Issues

2009-12-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Psalm 23:4a

In learning about orphans, I'm learning about adoption. In learning about adoption, I'm learning about infertility. There are 2.1 million couples in the Unites States alone who are considered infertile. That number is going up.
The infertility valley might look like this:
-couple marries, expects they will be able to have children just like their parents. Why should anything be any different?
-couple rides an emotional roller coaster of monthly cycles, from full of hope to loss of hope
-pressure is added when friends and family members become pregnant. Many will avoid the baby showers.
-sex becomes unsatisfactory partly due to scheduled intercourse
-church becomes difficult due to the baby dedications and new little ones
-couple withdrawls from family in friends during this valley of pain, depression and confusion
-couple tries going to an (expensive) infertility doctor

Here's what not to say to an infertile couple:
-"just relax / go on a cruise"
-"try moving your bed to a different spot"
-"at least you can sleep late / travel etc..."
-"there are worse things that could happen"
-"maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a parent"
-"why don't you just try in vitro fertilization?"
-and don't complain about your pregnancy to the couple.

What a pain-filled journey! We need to be sensitive to couples going through this and pray for their emotional healing. The "other side" may or may not involve adoption...

Dear Emily

2009-12-18T14:28:00.001-07:00

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
1 John 3:17

"My name is Emily. I am a 14 year old girl living in Malawi. Both of my parents have AIDS and are no longer able to work and support me and my two younger brothers. Because my family is poor, they cannot afford to pay for treatment and care. The burden of responsibility now falls on me to provide an income, take care of household chores, and support my family. What do I do?"

Well, Emily you have a few choices:
1. You could drop out of school to care for your sick parents and younger siblings.
2. You could ask your relatives to help you.
3. You could marry an older man.

The problem with "solution" number 1 is without an education, you will likely live a life of extreme poverty much like the poverty you have experienced thus far, or perhaps worse.
The problem with choice number 2 is that you know you will be mistreated by your relatives. They have already said that they can not take in any more children -- that the burden would be too great.
As for number 3, that older man you marry could have HIV as well and soon you would be experiencing the very same fate as your mother.

Good luck! Hope that works out alright for you!

What Orphans Want

2009-12-18T07:39:00.001-07:00

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
John 14:1

The Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) studios recently discussed the problems of orphans in Ukraine.

When older orphan kids (ages 17-21), were asked, "What do you need?", they unanimously agreed that the first was LOVE. And the second was TIME: come and play games, or teach the children in the orphanage. They said that money and things such as clothes, candy, toys, etc. were not so important. Visits and contact are important.

CBN showed a video interviewing grad orphans, who are now out of the orphanage, as to what is important to them. Their answers were:

1. Someone to trust
2. A person who is committed to help them
3. A flat – place to live
4. "Someone to hold my hand"
5. Moral support of friends
6. God's help
7. Moral support, not just clothes
8. To learn to be independent

When orphan kids were asked what the most painful thing about being an orphan was, this was their answer: To listen to people their own age talk about their family life. These kids are too old to be adopted. But a synonym for adoption is "belonging". They need to belong to someone who loves them and someone they can trust.

Types of Orphans

2009-12-17T16:24:00.001-07:00

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He see each tear that falls
And hears me when I call
(Tommy Walker)

One might be surprised to find out that many children who are considered orphans may actually have a parent who is still alive. Here are some definitions of different types of orphans:

A single orphan is a child (under the age of 18) whose mother or father has died.
A paternal orphan is a child whose father has died.
A maternal orphan is a child whose mother has died.
A full orphan / double orphan is a child whose parents have both died. These are all categorized as "true orphans".

"Social orphans" are children who have lost one or both parents because of abandonment or relinquishment due to poverty, alcoholism or imprisonment.

The term "AIDS orphan" is now no longer used because it increases stigma and discrimination and falsely implies that children orphaned by AIDS are themselves infected with HIV. Unfortunately, even some of the terms selected for these reasons, for example, "children affected by AIDS" and "orphans and other vulnerable children" may themselves be stigmatising. In many African languages the word that would be translated as "orphan" in English includes all such vulnerable children.

Despite what we call them or how we attempt to categorize them, He knows their name.

Reactive Attachment Disorder

2009-12-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Romans 12:2

Children who have spent the first few years of their lives in orphanages may end up with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Such a failure could result from severe early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers between the ages of six months and three years, frequent change of caregivers, or a lack of caregiver responsiveness to a child's communicative efforts.

RAD is characterized by markedly disturbed and developmentally inappropriate ways of relating socially in most contexts. It can take the form of a persistent failure to initiate or respond to most social interactions in a developmentally appropriate way—known as the "inhibited" form—or can present itself as indiscriminate sociability, such as excessive familiarity with relative strangers—known as the "disinhibited form".

Perhaps you've been on a missions trip where you visited an orphanage. Do you recall the children who, upon first meeting them, ran up to you and treated you like a long-lost relative? Or perhaps you noticed the other little ones who didn't seem to react to people at all? Both of these situations are inappropriate. It indicates that something is wrong.

This is just example of something you need to learn about if you travel down the road to adoption. However, I believe that if the adoptive parents, extended family and friends continue to pray for the adopted child, they will be healed of RAD.

Ultimately, we will be able to celebrate the transformation that has occured due to the renewing of a child's mind!

It's not about Me

2009-12-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Proverbs 31:20

Almost every morning, we start our day by reading a chapter in Proverbs. This morning we read Proverbs Chapter 31. After I read verse 20, my daughter Kaitlyn asked, "What's the needy?"

I explained that the needy are ladies, men or children who need something like food, clothing, a home, a friend or a family.

Nowadays, we hear the word 'needy' frequently describe a person who wants an excessive amount of affection, attention or reasuurance. Perhaps these types should really be called selfish. They are focused on what they are getting, not on what they can give. I'm not sure if this is the type of 'needy' we're being asked to help here. More likely, this 'needy' describes those living in extreme poverty.

I don't think I open my arms to the poor or extend my hands to the needy NEARLY as much as I could. Of course I give, but that's not the same is it? Giving money is so sanitary.

Now, using my arms and hands. That's physical. That's being there...physically being there. Being where? That stinky slum or horrid back room hovel? That might involved me getting dirty. Cleaning someone's urine or feeces. Would the Lord ask me to do that? What if I get sneezed on? What if the person has sores all over them and I need to give them a hug? What if they have AIDS? What if my clothes get all dirty?

Or I guess I could just sit back, relax and realize, "It's not about me."

Judge Not

2009-12-16T16:19:00.001-07:00

Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged.
Luke 6:36-37

I think there are times (hopefully rarely) when a person will look at a family who has adopted internationally and wonder, 'Don't we have kids in our own country that need to be adopted?' They might look at the numbers of children in the foster care system or consider the street kids in their own city and wonder why families go to the other side of the world to pick up a child. They look at the thousands of dollars in travel costs etc., and shake their heads in judgment.

There is no way to figure what plan God has given which family and why. I have met families who have adopted domestically and others that have adopted internationally. Some are interracial adoptions...others are not. Some were infertile...others were not. Some had biological children of their own already...others did not. I have also met people who take in foster children and adopt from there.

God is the one who puts the desire to adopt in the hearts of families -- whether it be domestic or international. It is not for us to judge others and the route they have taken. It's his road we're on. If you've never been on that road yourself, you may not be aware of how bumpy it can be. Instead of judging, ask how you can help.

Fatherless with a Father

2009-12-16T09:25:00.000-07:00

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

Around these parts, it is not uncommon for fathers to work 60-80 hour weeks. They come home, watch some sports on TV and sleep. The children try to get some attention in between his cell phone calls. He never trains or instructs them in the way of the Lord. He will go to church with them on Sunday, however since he is, afterall, a believer.

Sometimes I think about the fathers on the other side of the world who have gone to a prostitute, brought home HIV/AIDS to their wife and who are now left dying in their beds. What must they be thinking? Either they are blaming their wives, blaming the prositute, blaming God or blaming themselves. They know that their children will be left without protection, without a family and perhaps without a home.

But, why should we look down on those father for their foolishness? Somehow we accept the foolishness of the fathers on this side of the pond. To raise children without training and instruction is the equivalent of leaving them in the world to fend for themselves.

Children need to be loved face to face, not bought off. They need to be taught slowly over the years. We should be adding to their learning according to their age so that when they leave home, they are mature and able to handle what life will throw at them.

Fathers, would you take a moment right now and ask God what it is you could start or stop doing that would benefit your children? (It could be something as "little" as giving them eye contact when they talk to you.)

Where there's Smoke, there's Fire

2009-12-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Matthew 5:41

If you've ever been asleep when the fire alarm goes off, you know how quickly you can get yourself moving. In seconds, you're moving as fast as if you've been warming up on the treadmill for 10 minutes. Somehow the dangers of a "FIRE!" can really a person motivated to move.

Last year, I had the opportunity to meet Charles Mulli of Mully Children's Family. I agree with Paul Boge who wrote Charles' life story Father to the Fatherless. He said that Charles "chose to do more than what was required." I thank God he did.

Over 5,000 children and young people have successfully been rehabilitated through Mully Children's Family. That certainly didn't come without it's struggles. At the beginning of reaching out to Kenya's street children, Charles' church asked him to get rid of the kids. He saw through their explanations of why and recognized the heart of the matter was ego. It was about prestige, appearance, position...

Charles didn't get rid of the kids. He kept helping more and more. Why? Because he recognized the fire. He saw the hopelessness in the children's eyes.

Sometimes I'm surprised that churches in Africa don't want to help orphans, street children or people suffering with HIV/AIDS. Just because they have to walk over them on their way to work, doesn't mean they care.

I think that's changing...more are hearing the fire alarm go off.

The Christmas Shoes

2009-12-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
Proverbs 3:27

Every year, my mom tells me to watch the TV movie The Christmas Shoes. She says it's a tear-jerker. Every year, I avoid watching it.

If I didn't know it was a tear-jerker, I would probably consider it. But, I'll have to invest emotionally while watching the show. I've heard a little about it -- I'll have to care about the dying mom, about the child about what's happening to them. No way...forget it. Plus I'm usually too tired at the end of the day to consider TV.

That's okay for me not to watch the movie, since that's all it is. Sure, my mom might be a little disappointed, but that's as far as it goes.

I know that there are many people who don't want to get involved with orphans because they know they will have to invest emotionally. They know it will get messy. They can predict that there will be tears. So, they avoid the situation like the plague. It really is all or nothing.

All looks like care and love and concern. Nothing looks like giving a few bucks once a year when you're church asks (not that you really care, but it's like paying dues.)

I wonder if orphans fall into the category of "those who deserve good"?

Sold Out!

2009-12-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.
Colossians 1:29

My father died in July of 2006. He was diagnosed with leukemia 3 months prior to his death. At his funeral, I recall speaking intensely with a friend of mine. I talked to her about how I felt it so incredibly important that we, as Christians know what our spiritual gifts are and then use them enthusiastically until the end of our lives. As I like to say, "It's good to get worn out doing the Lord's work".

It's like our lives are a store. God is the customer. Somebody stumbles in off the street (thinking this is a public store) and asks you if you've got any rice. "Nope." Any beans? "No." What about bananas? "Sorry I'm sold out." Anything in the back...just give me whatever you've got. "Actually, I've got nothing left."

That is exactly how I want to live my life. At the end of my life, I want to be completely empty, totally sold out - with nothing left to give. I want to wear myself out intensely for the Lord. I want my life to be multiplied in its effectiveness. I want the Lord to pick me for a task. I want to be that kid reaching up his hand so agressively "Oh, me! me! Pick me!"

I do the work. He gives me the energy. What is the work that God has in mind for you? Once you know, give it all you've got!

Mom! Dad! Watch me!

2009-12-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

God sets the lonely in families.

Psalm 68:6

When we are young, if we are attempting to do something significant like a handstand or score a goal, we first gather up the attention of our parent with "Mom! Dad! Watch me!", then proceed to perform. Somehow, it's as if accomplishing something significant without a parent watching won't be the same. This doesn't seem to change as we age. I just finished reading Mike Huckabee's book A Simple Christmas. He talks about being sworn in as Governor of Arkansas with a touch of sadness as his dad wasn't there. His father had died 3 months earlier.

If you've ever taken a holiday to a warm beach destination, you may recall seeing postcards for sale that say "Wish You Were Here". Even at the most paradise-like locations, we can yearn for the presence of another.

This is the same for the orphan and the foster child. They yearn to be special to someone. They yearn for a stable and loving forever family where parents see and encourage their accomplishments. It's no surprise that many foster children don't finish high school and only 3% will finish college. If there's no one there saying, "Great job! I'm proud of you, son/daughter.", it becomes "What's the point? No one will care if I do this or not."

Father, I thank you that you always care. You do not sit aloof in your heavenly home, but continue to reach, care and love. Help us to do the same. In Jesus' name. Amen.

What the Lord Requires of Us

2009-12-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

Last night at the dinner table my daughter was explaining to me how, whenever she is asked to form a line with a bunch of other kids in order to walk somewhere, she always leaves a space between her and the person in front of her. She went on to describe the reason and said, "I just think of Jesus and I put him in front of me."

How insightful! Yes, at age six she has gotten 1 out of the 3 already - to walk humbly with your God. Now, part of my job as her parent is to continually teach her what 2 and 3 are -- to act justly and to love mercy.

What does God mean by acting justly? He's talking about how we deal with others. Who is it that needs justice? The one whose belongings have been stolen...the one who has been raped...the one whose house has been burnt down by another. However, not all of life's situations need a judge to bring about justice. In our day to day lives, we act justly by simply acting or treating others fairly. Acting justly also includes stepping in when others are not being treated fairly. To do otherwise is to condone the behaviour of the offender.

What does God mean by loving mercy? Typically mercy is in the hands of a person in power. For example, a judge may be asked for mercy by an offender -- so that the offender's sentence is less than the maximum. Jesus was asked for mercy from ten lepers because He was the one who had the power to grant them relief from their suffering. When we love mercy, we are compassionate and show kindness toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in our power.

Act justly = treat others fairly. Attend to the fact that others are being treated fairly. Love mercy = do not harden your heart towards offenders or enemies.

Which of the 3 mentioned here is easiest for you?

Who do you love?

2009-12-11T05:45:00.000-07:00

"You would even cast lots for the fatherless and barter away your friend."
Job 6:27

Casting lots is when you use or throw a die (or some other instrument) by the unforeseen turn or position of which, an event is by previous agreement determined. In this case, Job describes the "event" as getting the fatherless. Job also says that his so-called friends would barter away their friends. Normally, barter would be trading goods or services.

In both of these cases, people were in place of things. To receive the fatherless because a toss of the die takes the humanness away from them and they become a product or service. We can assume that, in this case, they would become slaves and so it was their work that was really being purchased.

But, there's a big difference between paying someone for their work and purchasing them for their work. It's sad to hear of stories today where children in India are sold to people looking for slaves. What a miserable life they must lead!

I know that now in the West we don't have slaves, but perhaps there are more subtle ways that we devalue life and inflate the value of things. I've corrected my children since they were small not to say "I love that..." (fill in the blank with toy, car etc.) but to say "I like that" item. I remind them that we love people, not things.

It's about value. We must hold all forms of human life in high regard -- before animals or things. A mild example of this is cutting someone off at the store to get to that last item on the shelf you really want. A strong example of this is a pregnant woman consuming alcohol despite the growing life of her child.

Please take a moment to ask God to show you if you devalue life or inflate the value of things in any way.

The Duggars, Adoption and Foster Care

2009-12-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. John 19:26-27

I am a big fan of the Duggars. In case you have not heard of them, they are a family living in Arkansas who have nearly 20 children. The Duggars inspire people. I wonder if some of that inspiration transpires into families adopting or becoming foster parents. Perhaps a couple with 2 children might sit back and say, "Hey...if they can make it work with that many kids, maybe we can add 1 or 2 more to our clan."

I've been learning a lot about foster care lately. There are over 500,000 kids in foster care in the US. Each year, about 20,000 children age out of foster care. Three of 10 of the nation’s homeless are former foster children. A recent study has found that 12-18 months after leaving foster care:
27% of the males and 10% of the females had been incarcerated
33% were receiving public assistance
37% had not finished high school
50% were unemployed
(Casey Family Programs National Center for Resource Family Support)

Becoming a foster parent or adopting is a big responsibility and can seem quite complicated with many issues to grapple with and understand. Simplifying the matter (while on the cross), Jesus said to his mother, "Here is your son." and to the disciple "Here is your mother."

God asks us to do what we can, not what we can't.

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

2009-12-08T04:42:00.000-07:00

"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

John 10:11-13

There are many different styles and ways an orphanage can be established. Some operate on a very small budget, yet have many many children. Others spend millions on the land, buildings, upkeep of the property, the staff, the food and have relatively few children in their care. The ratio of money spent per child varies greatly from country to country. The ratio of workers to children also varies greatly from place to place.

All of this is the outward display. It matters not whether you choose to support one "style" of orphanage over the other. That falls into the category of personal preference.

What does matter is the heart of the caretakers. There are some truly evil people who are operating orphanages in this world. The last thing on their mind is showing practical love to the children under their roof. They aren't interested in the children's education or safety. They seek to steal and kill and destroy. Their mantra is "profit over people".

Please pray:
- that these evildoers would be exposed for who they really are
- they would be prosecuted and held accountable for their actions
- that the children in their care would be placed in loving homes or orphanages
- for healing for the children in their care
- that governments and police would see human trafficking as eternally important and they would act accordingly.